It might feel taboo to say that you hate being pregnant. But despite what you might see in media, not everyone enjoys the experience.
Body, identity, and relationship changes that occur during pregnancy can take a toll on your mental health. It can be a stressful and unsettling time, even under the best circumstances.
You don’t have to force positivity to have a healthy pregnancy. Owning your emotions, practicing self-care, and seeking professional help (if needed) can help increase your comfort level.
Depictions of pregnancy in popular culture often don’t reflect the experience of many pregnant people. We’re told that pregnancy should be a blissful experience, a catalyst for growth, and a way of experiencing the deepest form of love. But in reality, that’s not always the case. Some people don’t enjoy being pregnant.
Sadly, if you’re having a negative experience with pregnancy, you may feel pressured to keep those feelings to yourself. There’s significant societal stigma directed at people who express anything other than joy at the thought of being pregnant.
Research shows that as many as 21% of pregnant people aren’t completely honest about their emotional experiences, even with their medical providers. They worry that they’ll be seen as a “bad” parent” [1] if they tell the truth.
If you hate being pregnant, learning about the diverse experiences of pregnancy can help you feel less alone. These insights can also help you know when it might be time to ask for help. Just remember that you can still be a loving, attentive parent even if you don’t enjoy pregnancy.
Normal reasons to hate being pregnant
It’s OK if you hate being pregnant. It can cause physical discomfort, emotional challenges, and relationship strain. And, like all major life changes, it can change how you see yourself and increase stress.
Some other reasons why you might dislike being pregnant include:
Body changes: You feel like you no longer recognize your body or that it doesn’t fully belong to you anymore.
Fertility guilt: After watching friends or loved ones struggle with infertility, you feel guilty about your pregnancy.
Previous loss: You’ve had previous experiences with miscarriages or stillbirths, and you’re terrified of going through that again.
Jealousy: Even though they’re supportive, you're jealous that your noncarrying partner gets to become a parent without having to endure the challenges of pregnancy.
Worry: There’s no easy time to become a parent or have another child. You might be worried about the world your baby will inherit. Or you might be anxious about whether you’ll be a good parent.
Not wanting the child: Maybe you became pregnant unintentionally, or you realized it’s not something you truly want. If having an abortion isn’t an option (due to legal restrictions or personal choice), you may resent your pregnancy.
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When to be concerned about hating pregnancy
Everyone experiences ups and downs during pregnancy, and some people can’t wait to get it over with.
That said, hating pregnancy might sometimes signal a more serious concern. If you experience any of the following, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. You may be living with a mental health concern like perinatal depression or another condition that may require treatment.
You’re experiencing strong negative emotions (anger, rage, fear, guilt, hopelessness) that are difficult to control.
Your feelings about pregnancy make it difficult to function. For example, you’re having trouble getting out of bed, going to work or school, or taking care of yourself.
You’re having thoughts like others would be better off without you, harming yourself or others, or contemplating suicide.*
*A note on safety: If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself, don’t hesitate to ask for help. You can contact the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 from any phone. Their counselors will provide confidential support and resources to help keep you safe.
How to cope when you’re pregnant and miserable
If you’re having a hard time coping with being pregnant, you can take some steps to support your mental well-being. Also remember that just because you hate being pregnant doesn’t mean you’ll hate being a parent.
Consider these tips:
Own your emotions. The pressure to embrace an experience you hate can be exhausting. Instead, allow yourself to own the fact that you’re not enjoying pregnancy. This honesty — even if it’s just with yourself — can make a difference.
Make small tweaks. Instead of trying to change every aspect of your life, try to make small changes to increase your comfort. For example, maybe you’re not sleeping, and it’s making you groggy and irritable. Is there a way to make your bedroom a more relaxing space?
Mind your media. If you or your partner is pregnant, your social media feed is likely full of pregnancy, parenting, and baby-focused content. If seeing this content fuels negative feelings or comparison, it might be worth exploring a social media break.
Prioritize self-care. Sometimes, people think of self-care as bubble baths or trips to the spa. While those activities can certainly be relaxing, they aren’t realistic or right for everyone. Instead, try to brainstorm ways to nurture yourself in ways that resonate with you. Maybe it’s just going for a 15-minute walk every morning, relaxing with your favorite music, or enjoying a hobby.
Ask for help. Some people simply hate being pregnant, and that’s OK. But if your pregnancy struggles are affecting your mental health, relationship, or ability to function, it’s a good idea to consider seeking support. A therapist or perinatal psychiatrist can provide an assessment to identify any underlying concerns and get you the right care for your needs.
A common way clients minimize pregnancy distress is telling themselves they ‘should be grateful.’ They may tell themselves they have no right to feel this way if the baby is healthy. A more supportive approach is validation. Pregnancy can be emotionally and physically hard. Mixed feelings don’t make someone a bad parent.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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Pregnancy isn’t always a blissful experience. It can impact your identity, relationships, and mental and physical well-being. It’s OK to own that you hate being pregnant — but if your feelings are impacting your ability to function, it might be a sign to reach out for support.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
References
- A qualitative inquiry on pregnant women’s preferences for mental health screening https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s12884-017-1512-4
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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