How to build mental resilience

Imagine that you’re leisurely driving down a winding country road. Suddenly, your vehicle starts to lurch and wobble, and you realize you have a flat tire. You’re a long way from home, and it’s getting dark. 

As you pull over and get out to inspect the damage, you remember that you don’t have a spare. In that moment, your problem-solving capabilities would be directly influenced by your level of mental resilience. 

Mental resilience is the ability to maintain a certain level of cognitive performance ^[1] in the face of hardship. It’s what helps us keep our cool under pressure and make good decisions in times of stress. Our genetics, upbringing, life experiences, and physiology can affect our capacity for mental resilience. It’s also a skill almost anyone can practice and improve.

Here are some tips ^[2] to help you increase resilience and strengthen your mental health.

Reflect on what you’ve overcome in the past 

Think about all the challenges you’ve overcome in the past. Chances are, there have been some times when you’ve demonstrated incredible mental strength. Reflecting on those experiences and the lessons they offered can remind you that you’re a resilient person who can find solutions to difficult challenges.

Take a moment to pause 

Let’s think back to our flat-tire example above. Getting stranded on the side of the road in an unfamiliar place is an objectively stressful experience. 

But before flying into action — and potentially making your situation worse — pause, breathe, and take a moment to think. Consider your ideal outcome and what resources you have to achieve it.

Create a mental metaphor 

Sometimes, our thoughts can get in the way of resilience. 

For example, let’s say you’re struggling to stay focused on a complicated task. Your mind is starting to wander, and you begin to think, “I just don’t have the brainpower to do this.” 

In that moment, imagine that you can change the “channels” in your mind, much like you would on a TV. What type of image or scene might inspire you to see the task through to the end? It could be an athlete scoring a winning goal, a heroic action scene, or anything else that helps motivate you. 

Strengthen your support system 

Life’s inevitable ups and downs are a little easier to manage when you have friends and family to lean on. So try to make time to connect with the people who love you and help you feel connected to your strengths. 

When hardship strikes, having someone to vent to and brainstorm solutions with can help you feel more resilient. 

Experiment with mindfulness 

You don’t have to be a seasoned meditator to experience the healing power of mindfulness. It’s simply the practice of slowing down to notice what’s happening in your mind, body, and surroundings without judging what comes up. 

Developing a mindfulness practice can help reduce stress and restore hope — two powerful drivers of mental resilience.

Keep your stress level in check

You’ve probably had times when you’ve become stressed or flustered and made a choice you later regretted. Stress can make it harder to think clearly and bounce back from challenges. While no one’s immune to it, you can take steps to keep stress in check. 

Adopting a daily stress-management practice — like with breathing or grounding exercises — or setting boundaries can support mental resilience.

Find meaning in hardship 

When you’re in the middle of something difficult, it can be hard to see the bigger picture. But over time, challenges can help us see what we are capable of, what matters to us, and build important life skills.  

Think about what your trials and tribulations have taught you. Try asking yourself, “What did this experience teach me about my capabilities, limits, needs, or support?" Taking time to reflect on these moments can give you understanding and evidence that you’re capable of handling different life challenges.  

Practice self-compassion

In an ideal world, everyone would have limitless capacity for mental resilience. But in reality, that isn’t the case. 

Some people live with barriers to mental resilience that aren’t their fault. These barriers are often the result of systemic inequality or stressors that are beyond one person’s ability to control. For example, people who’ve experienced trauma, discrimination, housing instability, or chronic illness may have a harder time developing mental resilience. 

If that’s the case for you, be kind and gentle with yourself. You may need additional support to develop resilience, and it’s OK to ask for help.

Seek professional help

If you’d like to build more mental resilience, therapy can be an important tool. Working with a therapist can help you learn to identify and challenge self-criticism or catastrophic thoughts like, “I can’t do this.” 

Therapy can also give you a space to process what might be standing in the way of increased resilience and work on problem-solving, emotional regulation, and other healthy coping skills.

Clinician’s take

You’ll know your mental resilience is growing when you ask more proactive questions, like, “What would help right now?” or “What’s one small step I can take?” Your attention gradually shifts toward coping, problem-solving, and identifying supports.

Ashley Ayala, LMFT

Clinical reviewer