When someone in a romantic relationship develops emotional attachment or loyalty toward an abusive partner, it’s called Stockholm syndrome.
Stockholm syndrome is believed to be an evolutionary stress response. Staying on an abuser’s “good side” by demonstrating love or concern may help victims cope.
Fortunately, you can recover from Stockholm syndrome with the right support. This may include individual or group therapy, self-care, and medication, if needed.
The term Stockholm syndrome [1] was coined after a bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden, in 1973. During the incident, while held hostage, a woman fell in love with her captor. She broke off an engagement with another person and remained loyal to the robber until he went to prison.
Today, we use “Stockholm syndrome” when someone becomes emotionally attached to their abuser. They may develop affection for their abuser and make excuses for them. This pattern is often seen in people who experience domestic violence [2] and other forms of abuse. Learning more about Stockholm syndrome can help you recognize it and know when to seek help.
If you’re facing immediate safety concerns, contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline Website, or call 800-799-SAFE (7233) for confidential assistance.
Signs of Stockholm syndrome in a relationship
People don’t develop Stockholm syndrome on purpose. It’s often the result of a trauma bond or a way to cope with abuse. People experiencing Stockholm syndrome may have trouble recognizing it. It can also be very painful to acknowledge.
Familiarizing yourself with the following signs [3] can help keep yourself and others safe:
No matter how poorly they treat you, you feel empathy and concern toward your abuser.
When your abuser harms you, you’re quick to make excuses. You feel sorry for them and frequently defend their actions to others.
You have a strong sense of loyalty to your abuser that doesn’t waver, even when they hurt or threaten you.
You don’t believe you can leave the relationship or survive on your own.
You get nervous when you have to spend time with anyone but your abuser, including friends, family, police, rescue workers, and others.
You live with a deep-seated fear of the relationship ending or of falling out of favor with your abuser.
Your attachment to your abuser strengthens as you become more socially isolated.
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How love becomes Stockholm syndrome
Anyone can experience Stockholm syndrome, and we’re still working to understand what causes it.
Experts hypothesize that Stockholm syndrome may stem from an evolutionary stress response [4]. For example, our ancestors could be captured by another group at any time, and their lives could be in danger. One way to increase the chances of survival would be to develop a bond with their captors. This might be an early example of the “fawning” stress response. Sometimes people “fawn” when it doesn’t feel safe or possible to freeze, fight back, or run away [5].
Stockholm syndrome might also arise, in part, out of the emotionally charged atmosphere of abuse. People who experience abuse [6] often develop skewed perceptions or expectations for how they should be treated.
For example, when someone might start to feel gratitude toward an abuser for not harming them. For people living with Stockholm syndrome, any act of kindness might be met with empathy or compassion for the person who’s harming them.
Healing from Stockholm syndrome abuse
Stockholm syndrome isn’t an officially recognized diagnosis. But many people who live with it develop post-traumatic stress disorder [4] (PTSD) symptoms. While there’s no specific cure for Stockholm syndrome, it can be managed with trauma-informed support. One of the most common treatments for Stockholm syndrome is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
CBT can be used alongside other supports to help people:
Process their experiences and tell their story in a safe, confidential setting
Recognize unhelpful patterns and explore ways to replace them with more functional ones
Realize that the abuse was not their fault and that their loyalty to their abuser was a coping strategy
See themselves as worthy of love, kindness, and respect
Learn why it’s been so hard to leave abusive relationships (and share these insights with loved ones, if appropriate)
Feel empowered to regain control of their lives and form the healthy relationships they deserve
Healing from Stockholm syndrome may take some time, but know that it’s possible.
You may need to experiment with a variety of trauma-informed treatments to find what works for you, including support groups, self-care, or psychiatric support. While there aren’t any medications approved to treat Stockholm syndrome directly, medication may be helpful for other co-occurring conditions like PTSD, depression, or anxiety disorders. You and your provider can discuss the pros and cons of this approach and whether it might be a helpful part of your treatment plan.
In my experience, one of the most grounding steps is helping survivors understand that their empathy wasn’t a flaw — it was a survival skill. When people begin to see their reactions as adaptive rather than ‘weak,’ they often feel safer trusting themselves again. Small practices like journaling moments of clarity or noticing when their body signals danger can slowly rebuild that internal sense of trust.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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Stockholm syndrome occurs when a victim of abuse has empathy and concern for the person who’s harming them — often a romantic partner. It can keep people trapped in abusive relationships. The good news is that you can recover from Stockholm syndrome with trauma-informed support. This may include therapy, self-care, support groups, and medication.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
References
- Stockholm syndrome https://dictionary.apa.org/stockholm-syndrome
- How can she still love him? Domestic violence and the Stockholm Syndrome https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233502294_How_can_she_still_love_him_Domestic_violence_and_the_Stockholm_Syndrome
- Stockholm Syndrome A Psychiatric Diagnosis Or Just A Myth https://www.ijtsrd.com/papers/ijtsrd49242.pdf
- Stockholm Syndrome https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22387-stockholm-syndrome
- Fight, Flight, Freeze, & Fawn: Understanding Survival Responses https://rainn.org/mental-health-therapy-support-after-sexual-violence/fight-flight-freeze-and-fawn-understanding-survival-responses/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22968954200&gbraid=0AAAAAD--ry_un4GtNCbjpfy_z_hIpO05e&gclid=Cj0KCQiA6Y7KBhCkARIsAOxhqtMnZz4Zb3aVw74Fxl1U39ix_I4zT20RMW1RbL5ftIsq5DnIektUHgkaAh5gEALw_wcB
- Cognitive Reframing of Intimate Partner Aggression: Social and Contextual Influences https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/15/11/2464
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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