What’s Bowenian family therapy?

Most of us understand what it feels like to be “triggered” by our family members. Psychiatrist Murray Bowen believed that this is, in part, because we’re too “fused” with our family members. Bowenian family therapy is a form of family therapy that focuses on how emotional patterns develop and repeat within families over time. 

Instead of targeting one “identified patient,” Bowenian family therapy looks at the family as an emotional system. It works to help each person understand their role within this system. The goal isn’t to change other people, but to help you respond more thoughtfully and with less emotional reactivity within your family relationships.

How Bowenian-based family therapy works

Bowenian-based family therapy is based on the Bowen family systems theory, which is a systems approach to families. In this theory, the family is an emotional unit, with each family member playing a role. Each person within the family unit interacts with the others (and the system as a whole) in complex ways. This is what often leads to conflict and misunderstandings. 

These interactions and patterns tend to be passed down intergenerationally. In other words, it’s not just about the family members who are around today. Your parents learned these patterns from their parents, who learned them from their parents, and so on.

Differentiation of self

The core theory that lies at the heart of Bowenian therapy is the differentiation of self ^[1], or how emotionally independent each family member is from the others. Sometimes, your family will argue or put pressure on you. Differentiation of self is about staying true to yourself — and at the same time, staying emotionally connected to your family members. 

In other words, it’s about not taking things personally. It’s about not taking too much or too little responsibility over your family members’ behavior.

The opposite of differentiation of self is fusion. Fused family members tend to instinctively react to their family’s behavior. For example, a parent may become overly anxious when their child is upset and rushes to ‘fix’ the problem. Or a parent may use the child as their “messenger” to communicate to the other parent during arguments.

Bowen’s theory says that the higher the differentiation of self, the better you are at self-regulating and being emotionally mature (especially during family conflicts).

Eight core concepts

Bowenian-based family therapy has eight core concepts ^[2] in Bowenian-based family therapy. The first is the differentiation of self. 

The other seven include:

1. Triangles: When two people or groups of people within the family get locked in a conflict, they tend to turn to a third person to try to alleviate the anxiety. This often creates more conflict and instability. For example, a parent might side with one sibling during conflict, teaming up against the other.

2. Nuclear family emotional processes: These four processes are often used to navigate tension within a family. For example, a parent is worried about their child's school behavior and puts it on the child. The child then internalizes it and begins to act out at school, confirming the parents fears.

3. Family projection process: This is when all of the family tension gets projected onto one child. The family might come to therapy to try to support that child, when the dysfunctional patterns really go much deeper.

4. Multigenerational transmission process: This is how patterns are passed down from one generation to the next. For example, a grandparent is highly reactive and controlling, leading the parent to be fearful and have difficulty making decisions. Their child, in turn, develops anxiety and struggles with impulsivity due to limited guidance. 

5. Sibling position: Birth order plays a big role in Bowenian family therapy. Birth order is often linked to personality traits, with firstborns tending toward leadership roles, youngest children more comfortable following others, and middle children frequently serving as flexible negotiators or peacemakers. These tendencies, however, can vary depending on family dynamics.

6. Emotional cutoff: This is when one family member is so distressed that they distance themselves either emotionally or physically. For example, some people may move far away from their family of origin to manage potential conflict. It can also look like avoiding deep topics due to past experiences. 

7. Societal emotional process: Bowen believed that society becomes more or less anxious at different points in history, just like families.  For example, during a major crisis like a pandemic or economic downturn, rising societal anxiety increases tension within families and communities. This leads to emotional reactivity, black-and-white thinking, and the blaming of vulnerable groups. 

What to expect in Bowenian family systems therapy

Your therapist chooses interventions based on what your family needs in every session. 

Generally, the therapy process happens in three broad stages ^[3]:

1. In the initial stage, your therapist tries to help you feel less anxious about the problem (whatever brought you into therapy). They’ll do this by helping you understand how the problem is part of a bigger pattern.

2. In the middle stage, the therapist will work primarily with the adult family members. They’ll work on issues that are affecting each family member individually.

3. In the final stages, the therapist will coach the family on how to increase their differentiation of self. They help each family member take responsibility for themselves.

Your therapist may use techniques like:

• Using a genogram to gather information about your family, including past generations. They’re not just looking at who the family members are. They’re looking for clues about how your family has learned to deal with tension and anxiety. 

• Detriangulating, which helps you realize how unhealthy triangles are formed within your family. Your therapist will teach you techniques to stay neutral instead of being sucked into triangles.

• Creating an intergenerational lens. Even after the genogram is completed, the therapist will continue to help you reflect on how things may have been passed down intergenerationally. So if something comes up in the present time, they might ask you how you think your grandparents may have dealt with the problem.

• Asking open-ended questions to help you with differentiation of self. An example would be, “What do I feel responsible for in this situation, and what actually belongs to the other person?”

• Encouraging an “I position.” This helps every family member communicate how they view the problem without attacking others.

In Bowenian therapy, children are usually not treated directly. Instead, the therapist works mainly with the parents to improve how the family handles stress and emotions. The idea is that when parents become calmer and stop pulling children into adult conflicts, the child’s problems often improve on their own. Children may be talked about or observed, but the focus is on changing family patterns rather than “fixing” the child.

What Bowenian family therapy can help with

Research supporting Bowenian family therapy, as a whole, is still limited. But its main concept, the differentiation of self, has been studied across many different populations. 

Research shows ^[1] that having a strong differentiation of self is linked with:

• Less anxiety

• Overall psychological well-being

• Better physical health

• More effective parenting skills

Bowenian family therapy is best for families who:

• Are experiencing conflict or tension and want to learn how to communicate better

• Have many members who play different roles in the conflict (i.e. siblings or grandparents)

• Believe that one person (like a misbehaving child) is responsible for all family tension

• Want to understand more about how the patterns developed in past generations are affecting your family today

Keep in mind that to truly benefit from Bowenian family therapy, each family member must be willing and available to participate. Adults are typically required to participate in individual therapy or coaching as well as family therapy.

Next steps to starting Bowenian family therapy

If you’re interested in Bowenian family therapy, you’ll need to find a qualified provider. Not every family therapist is trained in this method. 

If your family is already participating in family therapy, you can ask your therapist how familiar they are with this theory. 

You might ask questions like:

• What training or experience do you have with Bowenian family systems theory?

• How do you typically work with differentiation of self in therapy?

• Will individual sessions be part of the therapy process in addition to family sessions?

• How many sessions do you expect will be necessary?

Otherwise, you can find a Bowenian family therapist online or ask your individual therapist for a recommendation. Because Bowenian family therapy is a theory rather than a certification, there’s no official directory for therapists who are trained.

Clinician’s take

When someone struggles with differentiation of self, the first internal shift is learning to pause and notice their emotional reaction without immediately acting on it.

Ashley Ayala, LMFT

Clinical reviewer