Miscarriages are very common, but they aren’t widely discussed. This lack of awareness can create added emotional strain after a pregnancy loss.
As you recover from a miscarriage, you might feel depressed, angry, anxious, confused, stressed, and many other emotions. Know that your feelings are valid and that you deserve to grieve in whatever way feels right to you.
Having patience, creating a memorial, and joining a support group can help you heal after losing a pregnancy. If you need additional mental health support, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
In the U.S., miscarriage is the most common complication [1] of pregnancy. It occurs in 15% to 20% of clinically recognized pregnancies. And yet, research shows that there’s a widespread misconception that miscarriage is rare. The majority of survey respondents in a 2015 study on miscarriage believed that it occurred in 5% or less of all pregnancies [1].
Miscarriage is a sensitive topic deserving of privacy. But because it isn’t widely discussed, people may feel blindsided or mistakenly blame themselves when it happens. Plus, in the U.S., we often don’t honor miscarriages in the same way as other forms of loss. So people experiencing one might not get the support they need.
Pregnancy loss can cause a complex mix of emotions and is a unique form of grief [2]. In some cases, it can increase the risk of mental health challenges [3] and take a toll on relationships. If you or your partner has experienced a miscarriage, please know that you’re not alone and that help is available. With time, self-care, and professional help (if needed), you can navigate the emotional impact of miscarriage, grieve your loss, and find hope for the future.
How miscarriage can affect your mental health
In the days, weeks, and months following a miscarriage, you may feel angry, sad, guilty, hopeless, anxious, and anything in between. Some people may feel a sense of relief [4] alongside loss, depending on their circumstances.
Remember that — whatever you’re feeling — your emotions are valid. You deserve whatever time and space you need to grieve not just the loss of your pregnancy but a version of a future you may have imagined for a long time.
No two experiences of miscarriage will be exactly alike. But it can affect both partners’ mental health.
Emotional challenges after a pregnancy loss can be worsened due to factors like:
Experiencing multiple miscarriages
A lack of healthy coping skills
Laws restricting abortion and other vital healthcare services for pregnant people
Not having an adequate support system
While miscarriage isn’t a stand-alone cause of mental health conditions, it may increase risk for some people. Research [1] shows that during the first six weeks after a miscarriage, birth-giving people are at increased risk for anxiety, depression, and stress. These symptoms may lessen on their own in time with the right support. But if they’re severe and persistent, reach out for professional help.* In some cases, miscarriage can lead to self-harm and suicidal thoughts [5].
*A note on safety: If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself, don’t hesitate to ask for help. You can contact the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 from any phone. Their counselors will provide confidential support and resources to help keep you safe.
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How to cope emotionally after pregnancy loss
If you’re struggling emotionally after a pregnancy loss, you can take steps to support your physical and mental well-being.
Explore these tips:
Have patience with yourself (and your partner). It’s OK if you don’t feel like yourself right now. While you’re grieving, you may not want to engage in social activities or be intimate with your partner. It may also be hard to be around babies, children, or pregnant people. Try to give yourself time to move through this experience at your own pace and resume activities only when you’re ready.
Find ways to express your grief. After a loss, rituals can be a helpful part of the grieving process. If it feels right for you, you can have a memorial service (either on your own or with others) or create any other remembrance that helps you express your emotions, honor your loss, and gain a sense of closure.
Talk to your partner. Miscarriage affects everyone differently. You and your partner might react in different ways. During this sensitive time, try to maintain open lines of communication. This will allow you to lean on each other for support when possible. But it’ll also help ensure you’re on the same page when it comes to making decisions, like if you want to try to get pregnant again.
Join a support group. Despite how common it is, a miscarriage can be an isolating experience. Joining a pregnancy loss support group [6] can help remind you that you’re not alone and learn how others are coping. In times of loss, it can be helpful to be in community with others who understand what you’re going through.
Find professional support. If you’re having a hard time coping with your pregnancy loss, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Therapy (either individual, couples, or both) can provide a safe space to process challenging emotions and learn healthy ways to grieve. In some cases, psychiatric care may also be helpful, depending on a person’s needs.
A common but unhelpful perspective is insisting you must quickly ‘move on.’ This will minimize your grief and invalidate your emotions. Instead, allow space for processing and seeking support at your own pace.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Clinical reviewer
Find care with Rula
Miscarriages, although common, can feel isolating. Losing a pregnancy can lead to complex emotions like shame, guilt, anger, sadness, and more. But whatever you’re feeling, your experience is valid and you deserve support. A therapist can help you navigate this challenging time, process emotions, and grieve your loss in a way that feels right for you.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
References
- A National Survey on Public Perceptions of Miscarriage https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4443861/
- The hidden grief of miscarriage https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/06/hidden-grief-miscarriage
- Global prevalence of post-miscarriage anxiety, depression, and stress: a systematic review and meta-analysis https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12467481/
- Finding Emotional Support After Pregnancy Loss https://www.acog.org/womens-health/experts-and-stories/the-latest/finding-emotional-support-after-pregnancy-loss
- Pregnancy loss and suicidal behavior: Investigating the mediating role of depressive mood https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165032724010139
- Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support for Parents https://postpartum.net/group/pregnancy-and-infant-loss-support-for-parents/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22786315421&gbraid=0AAAAApQ8Bi1YsdhDc7PlsD72ezDAGIieJ&gclid=Cj0KCQiA1JLLBhCDARIsAAVfy7iYuAWSdQAt4kxHDmhM8LCPmDoOvFk7ovPcF01WqCvkimZyVRQNpxsaAjE4EALw_wcB
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Ashley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in generational healing and family dynamics. Ashley has worked in schools, clinics, and in private practice. She believes that people’s relationships, including our relationship with ourselves, greatly shape our experiences in life.
Ashley is committed to empowering others to show up authentically and deepen their self understanding. This passion stems from taking a critical lens on her own life story and doing inner healing. One of her favorite quotes is “Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.”
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