Embracing emotional vulnerability

Emotional vulnerability isn’t easy — especially if you’ve been hurt after sharing your feelings in the past. Maybe you told a friend you were feeling nervous about dating again after a break up. Instead of offering support, they rolled their eyes and called you dramatic. That kind of reaction hurts, and it can make you want to avoid being emotionally vulnerable again.

In this situation, there was a lack of empathy from someone you trusted. Getting comfortable with emotional vulnerability takes time and practice. It also means learning that someone else’s reaction doesn’t make your feelings any less real or important. Therapy and self-care can help you feel safer sharing your feelings, set healthy boundaries, and express yourself with more confidence.

What it means to be vulnerable

Being honest about your feelings takes courage. It’s often the first step toward building deeper connections and personal growth. Emotional vulnerability isn’t the same as avoiding your emotions. Vulnerability means sharing your truth so you can feel seen, while avoiding your emotions means hiding that truth to feel safe. 

When shared with the right people, emotional vulnerability can be a good thing. While it can feel scary, it’s how you build trust and deepen relationships.

Some examples of being emotionally vulnerable:

• At work: You’re overwhelmed with deadlines but don’t want to seem like you can’t handle it. Instead of staying quiet and pretending everything’s fine, you talk to your boss about which priorities are the most urgent. Being honest about how you’re feeling can lead to support and prevent burnout.
• In a relationship: Your partner keeps talking about a new coworker, and it stirs up some jealousy. Instead of pretending it doesn’t bother you, you express your concerns to your partner. This kind of openness can help build trust and closeness.
• With family: When you confide to a parent or sibling that you’re feeling down about something personal and they brush it off, you take a moment to pause. Instead of reacting, you choose to respond that you’re looking for support. Expressing how you feel can show it’s OK to feel deeply and ask for what you need.

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Choosing whether to open up to others

Being emotionally vulnerable can feel hard. Especially if you’ve been hurt before or were taught to hide your feelings. Maybe you’ve gotten used to putting on a strong front, or you grew up thinking vulnerability was a weakness. It’s natural to want to protect yourself, but avoiding vulnerability can come at a cost.

People often confuse emotional vulnerability with anxious attachment. Even though they both involve emotions and relationships, they’re different. Emotional vulnerability is a healthy choice that comes from self-awareness and the desire to build more meaningful connections. In contrast, anxious attachment is a reactive pattern driven by fear of abandonment, rejection, or not being enough.

Avoiding vulnerability might feel safer in the moment, but bottling up your emotions can lead to:

• Depression: Bottled up emotions can build into sadness or loneliness that get difficult to manage. Without an outlet, these unspoken feelings can contribute to depression or worsen depression symptoms.
• Disconnection: You may pull away from others because you feel misunderstood.
• Stress and burnout: Unspoken emotions can show up as tension, irritability, or burnout. 
• Low self-worth: Ignoring your feelings can send the message that they don’t matter, making you feel less confident over time.

Vulnerability is a strength, but it needs balance. If you share too much without the right support, it can leave you feeling exposed instead of understood.

When shared in a healthy way, emotional vulnerability has some powerful benefits: 

• Greater well-being and happiness: Allowing yourself to feel and express your emotions leads to greater well-being and a more joyful and meaningful life. 
• Increased trust: When you share with honesty, it invites others to do the same. Boosting trust with someone deepens emotional safety. This can create room for honest connection, support, and resilience through challenges.
• Stronger relationships: Being real with your feelings can strengthen intimacy and bring you and your partner closer.

How you can show emotional vulnerability

Becoming more emotionally vulnerable means learning to share your thoughts, needs, and emotions even when it pushes you outside of your comfort zone.

To work on being more emotionally vulnerable, start with small steps like naming your feelings and sharing them with someone you trust. Remind yourself that sharing your feelings isn’t a weakness but rather a sign of strength.

Some strategies to get more comfortable being emotionally vulnerable are:

• Embrace self-awareness. Pay attention to your emotions without judgment. Ask yourself questions like, “What am I feeling right now?” or, “Why do I feel this way?” The more you understand your emotions, the easier it can be to talk about them.
• Find safe people. Share with people who make you feel heard and respected. This takes trial and error, but you get to choose who to let in. Remember, you don’t have to share everything all at once. Try revealing a little at a time with people you trust.
• Be kind to yourself. Being vulnerable means being kind to yourself when you’re feeling vulnerable. If someone doesn’t respond the way you hoped, it doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid.
• Speak from your experience. Using “I” statements helps you share how you feel without blaming anyone.
• Protect your energy. With practice, learn to share your feelings honestly without oversharing or ignoring your own needs. Set healthy boundaries by deciding what you’re ready to share and with whom.
• Seek treatment. A therapist can help you feel safe opening up and teach you how to express your emotions in healthy ways. Different types of therapy like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and emotionally focused therapy (EFT) can help you feel more confident being vulnerable.

Find care with Rula

Emotional vulnerability isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a skill you can learn and strengthen over time. Therapy can help you see that vulnerability isn’t a flaw but rather a way to connect more deeply with yourself and others. A therapist can help you work through the fears that hold you back, set healthy boundaries, and learn how to express your truth.

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.

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