In emotionally focused therapy (EFT), emotional exploration is seen as the pathway to positive change. It’s an evidence-based approach that’s been used to treat a variety of mental health concerns and relationship challenges.
EFT requires emotional vulnerability and a willingness to explore the connections between your internal experiences and emotional state. This process can help you develop new, more adaptive ways of responding to past and present emotional experiences.
Because EFT requires a deep dive into potentially uncomfortable emotions, it’s not for everyone (and that’s OK). Your provider can help you determine whether EFT or another therapy is the best fit for your unique needs.
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is an evidence-based modality that’s been used to treat a variety of mental health concerns. EFT focuses on exploring and processing emotions to create positive change.
The goals of EFT are to strengthen one’s sense of self, regulate emotional expression, and find greater meaning in life. It’s frequently used in couples therapy, but individuals and families can benefit from EFT as well.
How emotionally focused therapy works
EFT operates on a few basic assumptions, including:
Our emotions are heavily influenced by both our internal and external experiences.
Uncovering and exploring emotion in therapy helps us better understand ourselves.
We can create lasting change and shift our perspectives by examining our subjective internal experiences (a process also referred to as making new meaning).
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In addition to these core assumptions, EFT practitioners rely on two primary mechanisms to help clients meet their goals. These include building a strong therapeutic relationship and focusing on the emotions that surround a person’s challenges.
Here’s how these mechanisms, or techniques, shape EFT sessions:
The EFT therapist and client will work together to decide what they want to cover in a session. Collaboration is an important part of a strong therapeutic relationship.
Throughout the conversation, the EFT therapist will respond with empathy to the struggles or painful experiences their client shares.
Using a strengths-based perspective, the EFT therapist will highlight anything the client is already doing to manage their challenges in healthy ways (e.g., naming emotions, accessing existing resources, etc.).
As the client shares, the EFT therapist will continue to encourage them to focus on and explore whatever feelings come up. They’ll also prompt them to examine the meaning they attach to those feelings.
Stages of emotionally focused therapy
These essential processes are used to guide EFT sessions, whether with individuals, couples, or families. However, EFT couples therapy involves three distinct stages. So if you’re considering doing EFT with a partner or partners, here’s how it works:
Cycle de-escalation: In this stage, couples work to understand how their current interactions have kept them in a state of conflict and distress. This often includes an examination of each person’s attachment style and role in maintaining the cycle.
Restructuring interactions: Using the insights they gained in stage one, stage two is designed to create new emotional experiences for the couple. By sharing their vulnerabilities and needs with their partner, couples can begin to form a more secure bond.
Consolidation: Once the couple starts to develop a deeper attachment, they can start to improve their relationship functioning and problem-solving skills. During this stage, they may begin to experience less conflict, feel more connected to one another, and improve their overall relationship satisfaction.
How long EFT takes to work
In addition to its efficacy and flexibility, one of the strengths of EFT is that it’s a relatively brief form of care. Couples who engage in EFT can usually move through the three stages in between 8 and 20 sessions, though this can vary based on their needs. Stage one typically lasts the longest, and about 75% of sessions will be spent on cycle de-escalation.
Goals of emotionally focused therapy
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) can help people build stronger emotional connections. A main goal of EFT is to increase feelings of safety, trust, and closeness in relationships.
It also focuses on identifying and changing negative patterns, like conflict cycles or emotional withdrawal. Partners learn how to express needs and respond to each other in more effective ways.
Common benefits include improved communication, less conflict, and a stronger sense of connection.
Who can benefit from EFT
Research shows that EFT has been successfully used to treat several mental health concerns, including:
Depression
Anxiety
Trauma-related distress
Eating disorders
Affective disorders
Interpersonal difficulties
Relationship difficulties
What to know before starting EFT
If you’re considering EFT, there are a few things to know before you get started.
EFT requires vulnerability
At its core, EFT is about increasing self-acceptance through emotional expression. This process requires a willingness to dive deep into your internal experiences and share them with your therapist (and partner, if you’re doing couples therapy). While this process can be challenging, vulnerability is a critical component of seeing positive change with EFT.
EFT has its limits
If EFT seems like it might not be a fit for you, know that you have other options. If you prefer structured, skills-based approaches, therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or solutions-focused therapy may better align with your needs. Your therapist can help determine the right approach for you.
EFT providers have specific training
If you’re interested in working with an EFT therapist, it’s important to find a qualified provider. Ask potential providers about their experience with EFT before your first session. If they don’t practice EFT, they may be able to refer you to a therapist who does.
Getting started with emotion focused therapy
If you’re interested in EFT, the first step is finding a trained provider. You can search online directories, check with your insurance, or ask your primary care physician. Look for someone who has specific training or experience in EFT.
Once you find a provider, you’ll usually start with an initial session. This is a chance to talk about your goals, your relationship patterns, and what you hope to get out of therapy. If you’re doing couples therapy, both partners will be involved in this process.
Getting started can feel like a big step, but you don’t have to have everything figured out. A qualified therapist can guide you through the process and help you decide if EFT is the right fit for you.
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EFT can be especially helpful for individuals and couples dealing with relationship struggles, anxiety, depression, or trauma. It’s great for those ready to explore their emotions and build deeper connections. However, if someone is currently in a crisis or unable to engage with intense emotions, other therapies might be a better fit for them.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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EFT is an evidence-based treatment for a variety of mental health concerns. While frequently associated with couples therapy, it can be used in individual and family therapy as well. EFT works by encouraging people to uncover and examine their emotions — especially the feelings connected to their challenges. This process can help you attach new meanings to your experiences, foster greater self-acceptance, and strengthen your bond with the people you love.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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