Key Takeaways
A healthy relationship is built on respect, honest conversations, and supporting each other.
Setting healthy relationship goals helps you stay connected even when things get tough.
Couples therapy can give you a safe space to talk openly, tackle challenges together, and align on goals for your relationship.
There’s always that one celebrity couple everyone talks about. On social media, they post daily photos of candlelit dinners and cute selfies. Fans call them #relationshipgoals. But the truth is, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. A picture-perfect relationship isn’t always a healthy one.
In a healthy relationship, both people trust and support each other and feel safe being themselves. They take work, but they’re worth it. If you need help setting healthy relationship goals, therapy can teach you how to communicate better, set boundaries, and work through problems in a safe, supportive space.
Research shows that sharing common goals helps couples build lasting love. If you want to strengthen your bond, consider these goals:
1. Offer your full attention
When you talk with your partner, put away your phone and anything that distracts you. Focus on what they’re saying. Being present helps you listen better, respond with care, and avoid misunderstandings.
2. Be yourself and let them be themselves
Research shows couples are happier when they accept each other for who they are instead of trying to change each other. When you accept your partner, they feel understood, valued, and safe. Trying to change someone can cause stress, hurt feelings, and resentment.
3. Reinforce your commitment
A healthy relationship means both people care and want to make it work. You stay loyal — and keep trying — even when things get tough. You trust that your partner is committed to you, and they trust you’re committed to them.
4. Maintain your identity
In an enmeshed relationship, it’s easy to lose track of who you are. A healthy relationship means sharing your life but still having your own hobbies, goals, and values. It’s normal and healthy to need time apart, personal interests, and friendships outside of your relationship.
5. Communicate effectively
Avoiding tough conversations or expecting your partner to read your mind can hurt your bond. To effectively communicate, listen carefully, stay calm during arguments, and check in on each other’s feelings.
Consider having a “time out” point when conversations escalate. Reassure each other that when you’re feeling more calm, you will come back together and restart the conversation again.
6. Resolve disagreements calmly
Healthy couples don’t avoid arguments, but they handle them with respect. Using “I” statements helps you explain your feelings without blaming, making it easier for your partner to understand you.
If you’re mad, take a deep breath before responding so you don’t say something you’ll regret. Remember, words can leave a lasting impact.
7. Carve out quality time
Life can get busy, and, in long-term relationships, it’s easy to drift apart. Making time for each other helps keep your bond strong. Plan regular date nights, share fun activities, and have meaningful conversations.
Research shows that doing nostalgic things, like visiting the place where you had your first date, can bring you even closer.
8. Establish healthy boundaries
Boundaries show what is OK and what isn’t in a relationship. For example, a healthy boundary could be that you talk calmly instead of yelling when you have an argument. Maybe it means that you both agree to not go through each other’s phones.
Boundaries set clear expectations for respect and keep the relationship safe and supportive.
9. Build emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy is the result of feeling close and connected with your partner. It means you both feel safe, understood, and valued. It develops over time through trust, open communication, and shared experiences. With emotional intimacy, you can share your dreams, fears, and goals without feeling judged.
10. Express your gratitude
Take time to notice and share what you love and appreciate about your partner. Even simple affirmations like, “Thank you for picking up the kids when I was busy,” or, “I appreciate when you make me coffee in the morning,” can make your partner feel valued and remind them they’re not taken for granted.
11. Embrace emotional vulnerability
Being emotionally vulnerable means sharing your real feelings, fears, or needs, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s about letting your partner see the real you, instead of pretending everything is fine.
Vulnerability can sound like, “I’m scared of losing you,” or, “I’ve been having a hard time lately.” This honesty builds trust and can make your connection stronger.
12. Stay close even at a distance
Long-distance relationships can be tough, but regular communication makes a difference. Schedule calls, share updates about your day, and talk about things you want to do together to keep your connection strong.
13. Practice forgiveness
Every relationship has its ups and downs. Mistakes happen. Being able to forgive and move forward, instead of holding grudges, helps keep your relationship strong.
Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing hurtful behavior, though. It’s about freeing yourself from negative emotions. Talk to your partner, listen to their side, and if the mistake was serious, agree on steps to prevent it from happening again.
14. Consider therapy
Seeing a therapist isn’t only for couples in crisis. Therapy can help you set healthy expectations and handle disagreements in a positive way.
Types of therapy that work well for couples include:
Clinician's take
One relationship goal I often recommend early in therapy is learning to turn toward each other emotionally, especially during moments of stress or conflict. This foundational habit builds trust, strengthens emotional intimacy, and helps couples become a secure base for one another, rather than sources of added tension.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Clinical reviewer
Find care with Rula
A healthy relationship is one that’s built on trust, respect, and communication. Setting goals can help you and your partner stay aligned on the state of the relationship and its future. In therapy, you can learn what you want and don’t want in a relationship. Therapy can also uncover patterns and set healthy boundaries. Therapy can guide you as you learn to create a safe and respectful relationship.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
