Tips to manage relationship stress during pregnancy

Like all major changes, having a baby may bring stress and other complex emotions. You and your partner might not experience these feelings in the same way. And you might not agree on important decisions or how life should change once your family expands. 

While becoming a parent can be a joyful experience, it’s not without its challenges. So if your relationship feels strained while you’re expecting, you’re not alone. 

All relationships experience conflict sometimes, even during pregnancy. But too much prenatal stress can negatively affect your well-being as well as your child’s development ^[1] throughout their life. Learning healthy ways to navigate relationship problems during pregnancy can help you be a supportive partner and loving parent-to-be during this sensitive time.

Common relationship problems during pregnancy

Even healthy, planned pregnancies can face unexpected challenges that might put added stress on a relationship. 

Some common problems* that may occur during pregnancy include: 

• Financial strain: In the U.S., having a child can be very expensive. From cribs, childcare, and car seats to diapers and formula, many new parents face financial strain. If you and your partner don’t have the resources to pay for everything your baby needs, or feel financial strain day-to-day it may increase stress.

• Health complications: Previous miscarriages, past birth trauma, and other health concerns can lead to medical anxiety during pregnancy. Meanwhile, you might also be navigating pressure to seem happy during what “should” be a joyful time. Without support, anxiety and other uncomfortable emotions can create conflict or distance in your relationship.

• Evolving identities: When you become a parent and have a new little human to care for, your priorities can shift. Both partners may experience these changes, and it might take some time to get to know each other again. In the meantime, partners may feel disconnected and misunderstood.

• Insecurity: Most parents will tell you that you never feel 100% prepared to welcome a new baby into the world. Becoming a parent is a big job, and it’s completely normal to worry whether you’re up to the task. However, if those insecurities are overwhelming, it can keep you from being a supportive partner. 

• Long distance: The ups and downs of a long-distance relationship can be difficult to navigate. It can be even harder when one partner is pregnant. For example, the pregnant person might feel unsupported if their partner can’t attend doctor's visits or other important events. At the same time, the nonpregnant partner might feel anxious about not being as involved as they’d like. Not being able to be physically together can increase conflict for some couples.  

• Divorce or breakups: There are times when a relationship ends during pregnancy. Even if it’s best for everyone in the long run, it can still have a destabilizing effect. Suddenly, there might be co-parenting or custody questions you didn’t think you’d face. At the same time, you may have to mourn the loss of the future family you’d hoped to create.

• Outside influences: Maybe you’re in an open relationship and are navigating connections with other partners. Or perhaps you have a family member who likes to give unsolicited parenting advice. If you and your partner aren’t a united front against outside influences during pregnancy, it can negatively affect your relationship.   

*A note on safety. Every couple has arguments once in a while, even during pregnancy. But please remember that disagreements aren’t the same as abuse. If you ever feel unsafe in your relationship, don’t hesitate to seek help. You can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime, 24/7, by dialing 1-800-799-SAFE.

The emotional impact of relationship issues during pregnancy

A supportive partner can help you have a healthy pregnancy and support your child’s development. According to a 2023 study ^[2], healthy relationships can reduce pregnancy stress and make it easier for babies and parents to form secure attachment bonds.

Unfortunately, relationship challenges can have a negative effect. Research shows that increased stress during pregnancy impacts babies ^[3] too. 

In babies, relationship stress can result in a greater risk for:  

• Low birth weight

• Premature birth

• Weakened immune system

• Problems with executive function later in life

• Mental health challenges

Helpful advice for expecting couples at odds

If you and your partner aren't getting along, it’s OK to ask for help. Couples therapy can provide a safe space to work through your challenges. 

Therapists who specialize in prenatal mental health and relationships can help you communicate, solve problems, and make decisions together in healthy ways. If your partner isn’t willing to try couples therapy, seeing a therapist on your own can be a helpful option.

In addition to outside support, these self-help strategies can also improve your relationship while you’re expecting:

• Talk about it. If you’re sensing tension or feeling disconnected from your partner, it’s important to bring it up. Avoiding difficult topics won’t make them go away. Instead, let your partner know that you’d like to find a good time and place to talk about your relationship. 

• Make time for each other. Pregnancy can be a busy time. Understandably, you’re probably focused on getting ready to welcome your new baby into the world. But don’t forget to make time for each other, even if it’s just a few minutes each day. 

• Avoid assumptions. You can be a supportive partner by asking (not assuming) what your partner needs. Support can take many forms, and it’s important to deliver it in a way that’s meaningful to your partner. 

• Remember that you’re on the same team. Even if your relationship ends or you’re not getting along, remember your shared goal. No matter what happens between you and your partner, you both want your child to be safe and healthy. It can be easier to make decisions together if you keep that in mind.

Clinician’s take

A common misstep is assuming roles will ‘naturally work themselves out.’ What helps instead is early, open communication about tasks, needs, and limits, which reinforces shared responsibility and helps couples feel aligned, supported, and on the same team.

Ashley Ayala, LMFT

Clinical reviewer