Sex and depression have a complex relationship. Depression can cause a loss of libido (sex drive), but sex can also provide a temporary mood boost.
Some people seek out sex as a way to combat depressive symptoms. But it’s important to remember that sex can’t cure or treat depression.
If you’re struggling with sex and you have depression, focus on connection first, like touch or time together without pressure. Talking with your partner and reaching out to a sex-positive therapist and/or psychiatric provider can help.
Loss of libido (sex drive) is a common symptom of depression [1]. It can stem from the condition itself, and it’s a common side effect of antidepressants. But being uninterested in sexual activity isn’t a universal experience for people with depression. In fact, some people seek out sex as a way to boost their mood.
Research suggests that regular sexual encounters might serve as a protective factor [2] against depression. While not a replacement for professional help, sex can lead to a release of “feel-good” brain chemicals like oxytocin [3] and is associated with greater mental well-being. Exploring the link between sex and depression can help you strengthen your mental health.
How sex can help people with depression
Sex can’t cure depression. But when it’s safe, satisfying, and sincerely desired, sexual activity can strengthen your well-being in various ways. For example:
It can make you feel close and connected to your partner. People in healthy, happy relationships tend to have better mental health [4] overall.
It can provide a temporary mood boost [5] that can be especially meaningful for people living with depression.
It can help reduce the inability to feel joy. Having a satisfying sexual experience can remind you that you still can experience pleasure.
It can help you get better rest [6]. Depression is known to cause sleep disturbances, but getting adequate sleep can improve your mental and physical well-being.
It can increase your self-esteem [7] and confidence, which may help improve your mood.
How depression can affect your sexual well-being
Anyone can experience sexual dysfunction [8]. It happens when something keeps you from enjoying pleasurable sexual activity. Libido and desire can vary from person to person. There’s no exact amount or type of sex that’s considered healthy or satisfying for everyone.
However, if you live with depression, it can affect your sexual well-being in a few ways. For example:
Sexual frustration or a lack of sex aren’t stand-alone causes of depression. But if you have depression, you may be at greater risk for sexual dysfunction [9]. In response, you might struggle to have the sexual experiences you desire.
Depression has been shown to decrease sex drive (libido) in both men and women [10]. One study found that more than 70% of people with depression [10] experienced a loss of sexual interest even when they weren’t taking medication.
Having a mismatched libido [11] can create problems in your relationship(s). When one partner desires sexual intimacy, and their partner doesn’t, it can feel like a rejection. This can lead to anger, frustration, shame, and/or a loss of closeness.
Antidepressants can be lifesaving medications, but they can also cause side effects. If you decide to take psychiatric medication to manage your depression, you may experience a loss of libido.
Some people have a drop in mood or become irritable after sex. The official clinical name for this experience is postcoital dysphoria [12]. It can occur alongside or independently of major depressive disorder.
Things to keep in mind as you navigate depression and sex
If you have depression, the following tips can help you have satisfying sexual experiences.
Take the pressure off. Performance anxiety and anticipatory fears can negatively impact your sexual experiences and mood. Try to think of sex as a marathon rather than a sprint. Go slow, experiment with different sensations (on your own or with a partner), and know that you can take certain things off the table if you’re not feeling ready.
Be kind to yourself. Sexual struggles can take a toll on a person’s self-esteem. But it’s important to remember that your sexual activity doesn’t define who you are. Just like everyone else, your libido can ebb and flow throughout your life. There may be times in your life when you’re less interested in sex due to depression, and that’s OK. During those times, try to practice patience and self-compassion.
Embrace alternative forms of intimacy. Sex can make you feel close to your partner. But it isn’t the only way to maintain a connection. If sexual activity feels overwhelming or your libido is low, try something else that’s intimate. For example, share a meal, cuddle on the couch, or go for a walk together.
Talk about it with your partner. Sex isn’t always easy to discuss. But it’s important to let your partner know how your depression impacts your sexual desire. Otherwise, they might be confused or mistakenly blame themselves for the lack of intimacy. Opening up can also help you feel supported and allow you to work toward solutions together.
Ask for help. If depression is impacting your sexual well-being or negatively affecting your life in other ways, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Individual therapists, couples therapists, sex therapists, and/or psychiatric providers can help with sex-related challenges. Look for providers who use a sex-positive approach to treating sexual dysfunction and co-occurring depression.
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Research shows that regular, positive sexual experiences may help promote well-being. Sex can also increase your self-esteem, improve your sleep, and help you feel closer to your partner. But keep in mind that sex can’t cure depression, and it isn’t a replacement for professional help.
If you’re experiencing sexual struggles, know that you’re not alone and help is available. Therapy can provide a judgment-free space to talk about your challenges, explore alternative forms of intimacy, and cultivate safe, satisfying sexual experiences that support your mental health.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
References
- Sexual dysfunction, depression, and the impact of antidepressants https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19512977/
- Optimal sexual frequency may exist and help mitigate depression odds in young and middle-aged U.S. citizens: A cross-sectional study https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165032725000552
- Orgasm https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22969-orgasm
- Relationships and community: statistics https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/statistics/relationships-community-statistics#:~:text=Relationships%20are%20one%20of%20the,more%20damaging%20than%20being%20alone.
- Dopamine: The pathway to pleasure https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/dopamine-the-pathway-to-pleasure
- The influence of sexual activity on sleep: A diary study https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36646500/
- Self-Esteem and Sexual Experiences https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/01461672241257355
- Sexual Dysfunction https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9121-sexual-dysfunction
- Association of Major Depression With Sexual Dysfunction in Men https://psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/appi.neuropsych.12010004
- Depression and Sexual Desire https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2000/0815/p782.html
- Strategies for Mitigating Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Relationships https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7058563/
- Postcoital Dysphoria: Prevalence and Psychological Correlates https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4721025/
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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