Situationships can offer benefits like flexibility and personal space, but they can also lead to feelings of low self-worth, intimacy struggles, and even emotional trauma if not navigated carefully.
If your situationship leaves you feeling unfulfilled or neglecting your own needs, it may be negatively impacting your mental health.
If you’re struggling with a situationship, consider speaking with a therapist to explore healthy boundaries, strengthen your coping skills, and focus on building the relationships you deserve.
A situationship [1] is a romantic relationship without clear labels or commitments. It’s sort of like friends with benefits but often lacking clarity, consistency, or defined boundaries. There are pros and cons to the arrangement, but are situationships bad for your mental health? The answer may depend on several factors, including what you’re looking for in a relationship.
If your situationship is negatively impacting your mental health, therapy can help you explore underlying issues, set healthy boundaries, and develop a clearer understanding of your needs in relationships.
How situationships can be fulfilling
Situationships tend to get a bad rap, but many people appreciate the freedom and flexibility that accompany this sort of arrangement. They allow you to enjoy another person’s company without the pressure of labels, mixing friend groups, or meeting parents. And, in many cases, both people are emotionally and sexually invested in the relationship [1], even if they haven’t made a formal commitment to one another.
In some cases, situationships can be good for your mental and emotional well-being. Being in a casual relationship is an opportunity to learn more about your desires, needs, and expectations. It offers intimacy while giving you space to prioritize self-discovery and personal growth. Situationships can also be a low-stress way to date after a long-term relationship or while navigating major life changes.
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When situationships harm your well-being
While some people view situationships as convenient or liberating, others are less comfortable with the uncertainty that defines these relationships — especially when one person is more committed than the other. If both people aren’t on the same page about expectations and needs, the arrangement can become a major source of pain, stress, and anxiety.
Research [2] shows that nearly half of 18–29 year olds have been in a situationship, and they didn't always end well. Situationships can lead to low self-worth, problems with intimacy, and emotional trauma. And if the relationship is too one sided, it can create a toxic dynamic in which one person feels used or undervalued.
In some cases, situationships may also highlight underlying attachment issues. People with insecure attachment styles — often linked to negative childhood experiences like abuse or neglect — can find it more difficult to form healthy, committed relationships in adulthood.
For example, people with an avoidant attachment style may be more likely to seek out situationships rather than fully committed arrangements because they struggle with emotional vulnerability and intimacy. This can lead to a cycle where they avoid deeper connections, yet still experience loneliness and dissatisfaction.
Your situationship may be harming your mental health if you:
Don’t feel like your best self when you’re with this person
Feel like you're making more of an effort than the other person to make the relationship work
Are experiencing mood swings or feel anxious and irritable
Are unhappy with the relationship but don’t feel comfortable telling the other person
Are neglecting your own needs, responsibilities, and overall well-being for this person
What to do if your situationship isn’t serving you
While the idea of a situationship may sound simple enough, anyone who’s ever been in one (or witnessed one) knows that the arrangement can easily become complicated. Whether you knowingly entered a situationship or inadvertently ended up in one, remember that you always have a choice.
Here are some strategies to keep in mind as you decide if and how to end a situationship that’s no longer serving you.
Be honest. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships — even situationships. Whether you’re looking for commitment or closure, it’s important to be honest with yourself and your partner about your intentions.
Set clear boundaries. If you want to continue seeing this person, take some time to consider your wants, needs, and goals for the relationship. Situationships typically lack clear boundaries, but communicating how you want to be treated is essential to maintaining a respectful and fulfilling relationship.
Know when to end it. If the situationship no longer feels fun or empowering, it’s probably time to say goodbye. All relationships have ups and downs, but your situationship shouldn't negatively impact your mental health, happiness, or overall quality of life. When you do say goodbye, though, try to approach the conversation with the same honesty and respect you’d show a committed partner.
Focus on self-care. Frustration, disappointment, confusion, and relief are all normal emotions to feel when ending a relationship. No matter what you're feeling, make a point to prioritize whatever form of self-care feels good to you. This may include moving your body, spending time with friends, and/or unfollowing your situationship on social media. You may even want to schedule some self-care check-ins to keep you in a good headspace as you explore future connections.
Ask for support. Breakups can be tough — even if you knew the relationship wasn’t going to last forever. If you’re having trouble coping with the end of a situationship, consider speaking with a mental health professional. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your thoughts and feelings, identify your needs, and develop the skills to create the relationship you deserve.
Situationships can be emotionally challenging because they often lack clear boundaries and commitment, which can lead to confusion, unmet needs, and emotional stress. Remember, you deserve relationships that support your emotional well-being and align with your needs.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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Situationships can be a fun and casual way to spend time with someone, but they also have the potential to impact your confidence, self-worth, and overall well-being. If you recently ended a situationship or are still deciding how to proceed, know that professional support is available. Therapy can be an effective tool for understanding what’s going on in your life and how it’s affecting your relationships — and vice versa.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
References
- Defining and Describing Situationships: An Exploratory Investigation https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12119-024-10210-6
- Escaping the Situationship: Understanding and Addressing Modern Relationship Ambiguity Among Young Adults https://www.researchgate.net/publication/380856418_Escaping_the_Situationship_Understanding_and_Addressing_Modern_Relationship_Ambiguity_Among_Young_Adults
Alex Bachert
Alex Bachert is a freelance copywriter and mental health advocate. Since earning her masters degree in public health, she has focused her career on creating informative content that empowers people to prioritize their health and well-being. Alex has partnered with organizations like Ro, WellTheory, and Firsthand, and her work has been recognized by the Digital Health Association.
When she’s not writing about mental health, Alex is usually playing pickleball, meeting with her local board of health, or enjoying time with her three kids.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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