Moving beyond the ‘too sensitive’ stereotype

If you’re the type of person to cry during commercials or when a friend’s voice cracks while telling a story from the heart, you’ve probably wondered if you’re too sensitive. People might tell you that you are — but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sensitivity is a positive quality. It means that you’re deeply in touch with your emotions and able to connect with others on a meaningful level.

But you might also feel like your sensitivity causes you to take things harder than other people. You might be more hurt by rejection or harsh criticism. If being “too sensitive” is negatively impacting your life, working with a therapist can help. A therapist can help you become more resilient while still embracing your strengths.

When sensitivity might feel like a problem

You may have been labeled as being “too sensitive,” but that usually just means that you tend to be more emotional than others. This can be a strength, as it means that you notice things that others might overlook and respond with compassion.

But, sometimes, being emotionally sensitive can cause distress. You might wish that you could be more resilient in the face of hardship or rejection. Or you might feel exhausted by the emotional highs and lows that your sensitivity brings.

Sometimes, sensitivity can start to feel upsetting because:

• You’re easily upset at the slightest rejection, whether it’s real or perceived. For example, you might feel like someone’s energy is “off” and become upset.

• You have a hard time engaging in conflict without becoming tearful or hurt. You might start crying the moment you feel that someone might be mad at you.

• You feel overwhelmed by other people’s emotions and take them on as your own. If someone close to you is sad or anxious, you might start to feel those same emotions.

• You have difficulty brushing off small mistakes and might dwell on them for days. A minor slipup at work or an awkward comment can replay in your head long after everyone else has forgotten.

• You find it hard to watch upsetting news or movies without feeling deeply affected. You might feel those emotions linger for hours — or even avoid certain topics entirely because they feel too intense.

• You have difficulty with sensory overload — loud noises, crowds, or bright lights can leave you tense or drained.

• You feel misunderstood or “too much” when others don’t react as strongly as you do. This can lead to shame or self-doubt about your emotions.

• You replay conversations in your head, worrying that you said something wrong or offended someone without realizing it.

It’s also important to understand that just because someone says you’re “too” sensitive doesn’t mean that it’s a weakness. Sensitivity becomes a problem when it becomes distressing for you, not for other people. Especially in abusive relationships, people may gaslight you into believing that you’re “too sensitive” and overreacting to something. It’s important to understand the difference.

Why some of us are more sensitive than others

There are many reasons why some people might feel more sensitive than others. It also depends on how sensitivity shows up in your life. If you want to understand more about why you feel sensitive, talking to a therapist can help.

Here are some potential reasons:

• You have high levels of empathy and emotional intelligence. When you’re able to recognize and empathize with how others feel, you may be more likely to absorb those emotions as your own. This might cause others to label you as “too sensitive.”

• You’re a highly sensitive person (HSP). Being an HSP isn’t exactly the same thing as being emotionally sensitive. It includes more symptoms, like being sensitive to sensory input. But if you are an HSP, you’re probably also emotionally sensitive. Being an HSP has many causes, including genetic factors and brain differences ^[1].

• You experience rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). RSD is an experience in which you feel intense emotional pain and self-criticism when you think you’ve been rejected. It often comes along with neurodevelopmental conditions like attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

• You have borderline personality disorder (BPD). BPD is characterized by a fear of abandonment and rejection. You might feel devastated by even small signs of disconnection or changes in someone’s tone.

• You’ve experienced trauma. Trauma — especially within relationships — can cause symptoms like emotional reactivity and difficulty trusting others. So you may feel constantly on alert for signs of rejection or betrayal.

Owning your sensitivity while building resilience

You have ways to embrace your sensitivity while strengthening your resilience to life’s hardships. It takes time and practice, but with the right support, you may learn to view your sensitivity in a more positive light. 

Embrace your strengths

First, try to reframe your thoughts and view sensitivity as a positive quality. Even if it causes some difficulties for you, it may be an important part of who you are. What are the good things about being sensitive? 

If you were talking to a dear friend, what would you say to them to make them feel proud of their sensitivity? Practice self-kindness, and don’t judge yourself for feeling things more deeply than others.

Don’t take things personally

When you’re sensitive, everything can feel like a rejection or an attack — even when it’s not. Try to learn how to not take things personally. You can start by reminding yourself that people’s reactions often say more about their mood or situation than about you. 

If you catch yourself ruminating after a tough interaction, pause and ask, “Is there another explanation for this?” With practice, you can train your mind to see multiple perspectives rather than going straight to self-blame.

Set clear boundaries

Learn how to separate when being sensitive is hurting you — and when other people are telling you that you’re “too” sensitive to serve their own purposes. Setting boundaries might look like limiting contact with people who consistently dismiss your feelings. 

Don’t allow people to use your sensitivity against you. You might say something like, “Yes, I’m sensitive, but that doesn’t change the fact that what you said was hurtful.”

Work with a therapist

Lastly, if your sensitivity is linked to a mental health condition, it’s important to get the professional support you deserve. A therapist can help you identify where your sensitivity comes from and develop strategies to manage emotional overwhelm. 

Even if you don’t live with an underlying mental health condition, working with a therapist may help you embrace the quality of sensitivity and find more balance.

Clinician’s take

When someone has always been told they’re ‘too much,’ healing starts when they realize their emotions aren’t a problem — they’re information. Sensitivity becomes self-trust when you stop judging what you feel and start honoring it.

Brandy Chalmers, LPC

Clinical reviewer