The real reasons we put off therapy

There are plenty of reasons to start therapy. It can help you develop new skills, manage mental health symptoms, and improve your overall emotional well-being. At the same time, there may be just as many reasons why you’re avoiding therapy.

Maybe you’re interested in seeing a therapist but struggle with the idea of being vulnerable or accepting change. Barriers can also be more logistical — like finding someone who’s in network for your insurance and has the right expertise for your needs. 

No matter what's holding you back, remember that you deserve access to support that helps you feel your best. 

What avoidance looks like in therapy

Many people try to suppress their emotions instead of acknowledging and experiencing them. While it may feel like an effective way to cope with your discomfort, it often leads to more long-term challenges. Without taking the time to process, it can be harder to heal and grow. 

Let's say you've gone through a traumatic experience or a major change in your life. Instead of journaling or confiding in someone you trust, you shut down and ignore your feelings. You might look for distractions, like working late or filling your calendar with social plans. 

Repressing your emotions can also lead to unhelpful coping mechanisms, like unhealthy substance use, spending too much time on social media, and even self-harm*. If you’re in therapy, you may steer clear of painful topics or begin to skip sessions when they become too intense. 

Avoidant behavior isn’t always a conscious decision, so you may not even realize what you're doing. You might unknowingly make excuses to avoid the people and places that trigger difficult emotions. 

*The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline provides 24/7, confidential support with trained crisis counselors. If you or a loved one is in emotional distress or a suicidal crisis, please call or text 988. If you’re experiencing a life-threatening emergency or you need immediate help, please call 911.

Why some people avoid therapy

National data shows that 1 in 4 U.S. adults ^[1] have an unmet need for mental health services. 

This could mean they took some steps to access therapy but couldn't find appropriate services. But here are five common reasons why people avoid trying therapy — even if they know it could help them feel better. 

1. Mental health stigma

Although therapy has become more common, mental health stigmas still prevent people from starting or continuing treatment. You may view conditions like depression as a sign of weakness and something that you can “snap out of” on your own. You may also avoid treatment if you think others will judge you or treat you differently. 

2. You haven’t found the right provider 

When starting therapy, it’s important to find a therapist who’s a good fit for you. This means someone who has the right expertise, understands your cultural background, and is currently taking new clients. 

Cost is another common barrier to care, so you probably want a provider who’s in network with your insurance. If it takes too long to find a provider who meets your criteria, you may decide the search isn’t worth the effort.

3. You feel like you can cope on your own 

Many people avoid going to therapy because they think they can handle their problems on their own. In other cases, you may not even realize you’d benefit from support. This mindset is particularly common among people with narcissistic tendencies or an avoidant attachment style, where asking for help can feel uncomfortable or easier to avoid altogether. 

4. Talking about your problems doesn’t feel like enough 

On the flip side, you may feel like “just talking” about your problems isn’t enough. While therapy is a powerful tool for coping with many mental health conditions, therapy alone may not be effective for all challenges and concerns. 

A combination of talk therapy and medication management is often used to help treat more complex mental health conditions, including: 

• Severe depression

• Schizophrenia

• Bipolar disorder

• Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

5. You’ve had a negative therapy experience

Having a negative therapy experience — or even hearing about someone else’s — may turn you off the idea of seeking support. It could have been a provider who made you feel judged or dismissed or who didn’t have the right expertise for your needs. Know that finding the right therapist or approach can take some trial and error. 

How to tell if you’re just not ready for therapy

Therapy requires a willingness to commit to the process. If you start therapy before you're ready, you may feel frustrated or overwhelmed. It might even discourage you from seeking support later. 

Avoiding therapy isn’t the same as not being ready for therapy. You might not be interested in therapy right now because:

• It doesn’t feel like your decision. When someone like a parent or partner is pushing you into therapy, you may be more likely to resist the process. 

• You’re not emotionally available. The best results from therapy require an openness to the process and honesty.

• The timing isn’t right. If you're dealing with an immediate emergency, like housing issues, you might not have the bandwidth to focus on therapy. 

• You’re looking for a quick fix. Therapy is a commitment. So, you may not see an immediate change. While some people see improvement within 15 to 20 sessions, timelines can vary.

Depending on your circumstances, you might consider short-term alternatives for creating positive change in your life. For example, mental health journaling is an effective way to gain greater insight into your thoughts and behaviors. You could also express yourself through creative mediums like music and art, or explore new coping techniques for stress. 

Overcoming avoidance to mental healthcare

Ignoring your mental health challenges doesn't make them go away. In fact, you may find that ignoring them makes your situation more difficult. 

While seeking support can help you manage symptoms and process difficult emotions, ignoring your needs does the opposite. Delaying mental health support has been shown to worsen symptoms ^[2], impair functioning, and even increase your risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors. 

If you’ve been avoiding mental health treatment, consider these strategies: 

• Identify your barriers. The first step is figuring out why you're avoiding therapy. Is it a logistical concern, like a shortage of in-network providers, or external pressure, like stigma and judgment? 

• Look for your motivation. Find something that motivates you to move forward with therapy. Let’s say you’ve been ignoring your depression, and it’s getting worse. You might consider how your symptoms are impacting your children.

• Focus on your joy. Making time for things that make you happy, like cooking or walks with friends, can help you adopt a more positive outlook. And when you realize the power of this small change, you may be more willing to continue that progress with therapy. 

• Go slow. Starting therapy can be daunting, so it’s OK to move at your own pace. You might start by confiding in a loved one that you want to get help or creating a list of your problems and goals.

Clinician’s take

A common pattern is staying busy with wellness habits that feel productive but never really get to the core issue. This might look like constantly reading, journaling, or tweaking routines while putting off harder steps like starting therapy or having a tough conversation. It can feel like progress, but it keeps you at a distance from the real work.

Brandy Chalmers, LPC

Clinical reviewer