Our early relationships with our parents can leave a lasting impact. This is sometimes referred to as our attachment style, and it can affect our relationships as adults.
If your father was absent, abusive, or didn’t give you the love you needed, this can create hurt that lasts a long time. You might struggle with fears of abandonment, have low self-esteem, and repeat harmful patterns.
If your dynamic with your dad is negatively affecting your life, it’s OK to ask for help. Therapy can provide a safe space to process childhood experiences and learn to build the healthy relationships you deserve.
A note on language: The term “daddy issues” has been used as a way to blame an adult woman’s relationship struggles on problematic dynamics with her father. Today, we recognize that the term is offensive [1] because it stigmatizes women, oversimplifies complex issues, and often carries a disturbing sexual connotation. However, we’re using it here in the hopes of sparking a conversation about paternal relationships so that more people can access the support they deserve.
Our early relationships with caregivers can affect our connections as adults. If your father was absent, neglectful, or abusive, it may have fostered an insecure attachment [2]. This can harm your mental health and may make it harder to feel safe in your adult relationships.
That said, to label this experience as “daddy issues” minimizes the impact of parental trauma. It may also unfairly blame children for their father's behavior. This doesn’t mean that your paternal dynamic isn’t worth examining. If you're struggling in relationships, it may be helpful to explore how your connection with your dad might be affecting you today.
Signs your father’s behavior is continuing to impact you
Unfortunately, children don’t always get the love and support they need.
If your father wasn’t a safe, stable presence while you were a child, these signs may signal that your paternal relationship might be impacting you [2]:
Your problems with romantic partners often mirror the dynamic you have with your father. For example, if your dad left your family when you were little, you might carry a fear of abandonment. You might worry — even without evidence — that your partners will leave you, and this creates pressure in the relationship.
You struggle to trust, appreciate, and relate to people, especially men. This might be because part of you thinks that all men will behave like your father. You may expect to be hurt, disappointed, or underappreciated by romantic patterns if that’s how your dad made you feel.
You have low self-esteem because you’ve internalized negative messages from your father. For example, maybe your dad was hypercritical, and he made you feel like you couldn’t do anything right. Later in adulthood, you might still carry those feelings. You may have a hard time seeing yourself as competent, valuable, and worthy.
One interesting thing about paternal relationships is that they can vary within a family. You might expect that if one sibling has a problematic relationship with their dad, other siblings will as well. But this isn’t necessarily the case, as each parent-child relationship is unique.
It’s also important to note that it’s not just women who can be harmed by strained paternal dynamics. Having a dysfunctional dad can take a toll on sons too. A recent study [3] found that men who grew up with a cold or distant father reported lower commitment in romantic relationships. The study also revealed that without a nurturing paternal presence, men may feel like they shouldn’t invest in their partners or put effort into relationships.
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Underlying causes of paternal relationship issues
We can’t always predict who will be affected by problematic parental relationships. But these dynamics might be more likely to manifest when a child can’t form a secure bond with their dad [4]. This might happen when a father:
Commits any form of abuse or neglect against their children or family
Participates in marital conflict that spills over into co-parenting dynamics
Abandons the family or is uninvolved in the child’s life
Has a mental health or substance use issue [5] that impacts their ability to parent
Is absent for long periods of time, possibly due to work, deployment, incarceration, or other situations
Uses an overly authoritative, permissive, or passive-aggressive parenting style
Overcoming the impact of early relationship patterns
Not having a strong connection with your dad doesn’t automatically mean that you’ll struggle in your romantic relationships. But it may increase your risk [6]. You get to decide what type of relationship you want to have with your dad as an adult. Whether you choose to love him from a distance, cut ties completely, or maintain closeness, it’s OK to do whatever you feel is best for your mental health.
If your paternal relationship is negatively impacting you, one of the best things you can do is ask for help. Some trauma-informed therapists specialize in challenging family issues and parental relationships. They can help you explore your attachment style, break unhelpful habits, and form the healthy relationships you deserve.
When clients blame themselves for an absent or neglectful father, I often reframe it this way: children adapt to the relationships they’re given. Those wounds aren’t a personal flaw — they’re learned survival responses, and they can be changed with support.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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If your father was absent, abusive, or neglectful, it may be harder to feel secure with romantic partners. Some people refer to this experience as having “daddy issues.” But this term unfairly stigmatizes women — and anyone, regardless of their gender, can have a challenging relationship with their father.
Problematic paternal relationships can cause low self-esteem, fears of abandonment, and other relationship stressors. A therapist can help you better understand yourself, change your relationship patterns, and heal from past hurts.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
References
- ‘Daddy Issues’: What does it mean and why is it offensive? https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0b3vftr
- Daughter-to-Father Attachment Style and Emerging Adult Daughter's Psychological Well-Being: Mediating Role of Interpersonal Communication Motives https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8794639/
- Quality of Paternal Investment and Adult Sons’ Beliefs About Romantic Relationships https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40806-025-00426-6
- Secure Attachment https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/secure-attachment
- Mummy, daddy, and addiction: Implicit insecure attachment is associated with substance use in college students https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30855152/
- The Father or the Mother: Who Is Associated With Attachment to a Partner? The Moderating Effect of Romantic Relationship Satisfaction on Insecure Attachment Styles https://www.researchgate.net/publication/392822736_The_Father_or_the_Mother_Who_Is_Associated_With_Attachment_to_a_Partner_The_Moderating_Effect_of_Romantic_Relationship_Satisfaction_on_Insecure_Attachment_Styles
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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