It can be hard to talk about depression — here’s what to expect

Depression is one of the most common mental health conditions in the U.S., yet it can still feel tough to talk about. You might be unsure how to start the conversation or embarrassed about opening up to others. 

If something is holding you back from speaking up, remember that you deserve to be seen and heard. Learning how to ask for help when depressed is an opportunity to improve your mental health, happiness, and overall well-being. 

Why it’s important to ask for help with depression

Depression affects people in different ways. Your symptoms may be mild, or they might be significant enough to impact daily functioning. No matter what you’re feeling or how severe your symptoms are, seeking support is always a good idea.

Unmanaged depression can impact your mood, self-esteem, and the way you connect with others. You might feel more irritable than usual, making it hard to do your job or take care of your family. Without treatment, depression can also increase your risk of unhealthy coping behaviors ^[1] and other mental health conditions.

If you've been struggling with depression, know that you don’t have to do it on your own. In fact, research suggests that having the support of loved ones can actually help reduce symptoms of depression ^[2]. 

Opening up about your experience with depression can:

• Help you feel less alone 

• Better understand your feelings and what’s causing them 

• Develop the tools to reduce symptoms and feel more like yourself again

• Remind you to show yourself kindness ^[3]

When’s the right time to open up about depression?

There’s no guidebook for navigating life with depression or knowing how to ask for help. But some signs could indicate that you might need extra support for your mental health. 

Reach out for professional help if:  

• The feelings won't go away. Everyone feels a little down sometimes, but it’s important to recognize when these feelings last longer than you’d expect. Major depressive disorder (MDD) involves a low mood that impacts daily functioning for at least two weeks. 

• It’s affecting your daily life. Depression can influence energy and motivation. If you’re finding it difficult to get out of bed and go about your daily business, it’s worth confiding in someone who can help. 

• People have commented on your behavior. Depression can affect your focus, decision-making, and ability to engage in your usual activities. It can also impact your appetite and sleep habits. When the people around you notice these changes, it’s usually a sign to seek support. 

• You’re having thoughts of suicide* or self-harm. Unmanaged depression can increase your risk of suicidal thoughts and self-harming behaviors.

• Your current treatment isn’t working. If you've been diagnosed with depression and your current treatment isn’t working, don’t hesitate to speak up. You may have something known as treatment-resistant depression, which requires alternative approaches to care. 

*If you or a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts or thoughts about harming themself or others, please call or text 988 on any phone for the Suicide & Crisis lifeline, contact a local crisis line, or head to the emergency room immediately. Any of these resources will ensure that the person in crisis receives support right away. For more information on getting help, go to 988lifeline.org

If experiencing a life-threatening emergency or you need immediate help, please call 911.

Choosing who to talk to about depression

Talking about depression isn’t easy, but it can help you access the care you need to feel more like yourself. If you’re not sure who to confide in, consider making a list of the supportive people in your life. 

For example:

• “Who makes me feel safe and seen?”

• “Who respects my privacy and personal boundaries?” 

• “Who listens without jumping to conclusions or looking for solutions?” 

• “Who remains calm during difficult moments?”

• “Who has experienced their own mental health struggles?” 

You may also find it helpful to speak with others who have lived with depression. Connecting with people who share your struggles can be a good reminder that depression isn’t a choice or your fault. 

How to prepare for a conversation about depression

There’s no right or wrong way to talk about your feelings. If you’re finding it difficult to put your experience into words, focus on keeping it simple. 

You might say something like:

• “I’ve been reading about depression, and I think I might be experiencing it. Can we talk?”

• "I've been feeling down lately, and I could really use someone to talk to.”

• "I think I may be dealing with depression, and I'd appreciate your support."

In an ideal world, the other person is empathetic, respectful, and willing to help. Being honest about your feelings can deepen the relationship and build trust. 

For example, you might ask them to:

• Help you find you a therapist who takes your insurance and has experience treating depression 

• Send you a daily good morning text to help you start your day 

• Visit a depression support group with you

• Keep inviting you out, even if you usually say no

That said, it’s worth considering what you’ll do if the conversation doesn’t go as you'd like. If you feel dismissed or misunderstood, it may be best to speak with someone else about your depression. 

How to find professional support for depression

Many people with depression don't seek support right away ^[4], but it’s worth speaking up as soon as you recognize any challenges and concerns. 

If you think you’re experiencing symptoms of depression, make an appointment with a qualified health provider. This might be your primary care provider or a mental health professional like a therapist or psychiatrist. They can review your health history, assess your symptoms, and make an accurate diagnosis. With access to talk therapy and medication management, many people can treat their depression. 

Finding the right therapist can take time, so start by looking close to home. Ask people in your community for referrals. If you’re a student, consult your school counselor. If your company has an human resources (HR) department, speak with them about your insurance plan, an employee assistance program ^[5] (EAP), and other workplace benefits. 

You might also consider joining a support group to connect with other people living with depression. Hearing about other people's experiences, and sharing your own, can help you feel less alone.

Clinician’s take

Many people expect a loved one to immediately know the right thing to say or do once they open up about their depression. When that doesn't happen, they may feel even more alone. I encourage people to think of these conversations as the start of an ongoing dialogue rather than a one-time moment that will solve everything.

Brandy Chalmers, LPC

Clinical reviewer