Support for the emotional weight of male infertility

About 15% of U.S. couples ^[1] who try to have a child are impacted by infertility. For about half of that group, male infertility is a contributing factor. 

Despite this, the mental health effects of male infertility aren’t widely discussed. But research ^[2] shows that it can increase the risk of depression and anxiety. It may also contribute to low self-esteem, relationship problems, and a decrease in a man’s quality of life. 

Experiencing infertility can be stressful for anyone, regardless of their gender. However, men may face unique challenges due to stigma and stereotypes ^[3]. Misinformed attitudes about masculinity and fertility may lead to feelings of shame, making it harder to ask for help. 

But learning more about the emotional toll of male infertility can help you know when to seek support. By increasing awareness, you can become a better advocate for yourself or a man you care about. 

A note on language: At Rula, we believe that all people, regardless of gender, deserve research-backed information to support their mental health. One of the challenges in discussing infertility in men is that most of the research focuses on the experience of cisgender people. However, we wish to acknowledge that anyone who identifies as a man can be affected by infertility. As new, more inclusive research is published, we’re committed to updating our content to reflect these changes.

The mental health effects of male infertility

Infertility can affect different people in different ways. It can cause anger, shock, disbelief, fear, frustration, embarrassment, and many other challenging emotions. 

For some men, infertility may detract from their masculine identity ^[3]. In other words, a man may fear being seen as inadequate if he’s unable to have a child. As a result, he might worry that his partner will resent him or that infertility will negatively impact his relationship.

Men may also feel pressured to conceal their emotional pain in an effort to come across as masculine and strong. At the same time, they may hesitate to ask for help for fear of being perceived as weak. The stigma caused by these damaging stereotypes can take a toll on a man’s health and well-being. 

Research ^[3] shows that men experiencing infertility are at greater risk for:

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Low self-esteem

• Isolation

• Sexual dysfunction

• Relationship strain

How to cope with male infertility

Male infertility is common, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. But it can still be a heartbreaking, confusing experience. 

If you’re experiencing mental health struggles due to infertility, the following tips can help you cope:

1. Lean on your support system. Even though many men experience infertility, it can lead to isolation. So whether it’s with a friend, loved one, or in a support group, let someone you trust know what you’re going through. Sharing your experiences can be a way to release difficult emotions and feel less alone. You might even find that someone you know has been through the same thing.

2. Talk to your partner. As a man, you might feel like you have to be strong for your partner. So you may be hesitant to open up about how infertility has affected you. While it might be uncomfortable at first, being honest and vulnerable can help you feel closer to your partner. You don’t have to talk about infertility constantly. But try to make time to check in with each other periodically. 

3. Challenge stigma. Think about the story you might be telling yourself, even unconsciously, about the link between fertility and masculinity. If you find yourself thinking that infertility makes you weak, inadequate, or less of a real man, consider where those messages are coming from. How might you reframe those misconceptions for a friend who struggles with infertility? See if you offer yourself some of the same compassion and respect.

4. Give yourself time to grieve. When a person faces infertility, they may have to grieve a version of a future that no longer feels accessible. If you were looking forward to starting or growing your family, you may feel a deep sense of loss. Even if you want to explore other options eventually (i.e. fertility treatments or adoption), you don’t have to pressure yourself to move on before you’re ready.  

5. Talk to a therapist. If you have a pre-existing mental health concern like depression or anxiety, the added stress of infertility may be harder to manage. However, you don’t need to be diagnosed with a mental health condition to ask for help. Therapy can provide a safe, neutral space to process your feelings, build resilience, and come to terms with infertility. Depending on your needs, you may benefit from individual therapy, couples therapy, or a combination of both.

Dig deeper:

• Infertility self-care strategies

Clinician’s take

Many men are surprised by how much grief, sadness, or even shame they’ve been carrying once they finally say it out loud. Talking about infertility often brings up emotions they didn’t realize they were holding in, especially if they’ve been trying to stay ‘strong’ or supportive for others.

Brandy Chalmers, LPC

Clinical reviewer