Family expectations and society’s belief in marriage being a big milestone in a relationship often create pressure to get married.
Marriage pressure can cause anxiety, depression, and self-doubt — especially if those expectations don’t meet your own timeline or desires.
You can handle marriage pressure by trusting your own decisions, setting boundaries, preparing simple responses, and surrounding yourself with supportive people.
You’ve built a life you love. You have a job you enjoy, close friends, and you’re genuinely happy. Your only challenge is figuring out how to handle the pressure to get married.
While exchanging vows may not be on your current to-do list, the people around you might still ask when you plan to walk down the aisle. The pressure to get married can be both annoying and overwhelming — especially when you’re perfectly content with your life.
From parents asking about your future to friends teasing you about being single, the expectation to tie the knot can affect people of all ages, genders, and sexualities. Marriage isn’t for everyone, and that’s OK. What matters most is choosing a life that feels right for you — whether that’s building a life with a partner, traveling the world, or simply enjoying your independence.
Why you feel pressure to get married
Marriage is often seen as a big milestone in life, thanks to traditions, family expectations, and the way society often links marriage with success or happiness. Research shows that most of the pressure to get married usually comes from parents and family. The pressure doesn’t only apply to heterosexual relationships, either.
Many same-sex couples also feel the pressure to tie the knot. This can be especially stressful if dealing with marriage pressure while also figuring out your LGBTQ+ identity. While your family or friends might have a specific image of what your marriage or ideal partner would look like, you might be wondering how to come out to them.
But times are changing. Young adults today are getting married much later than their parents’ generation. Among people aged 25 to 29, only 23% were married in 2023, compared to 50% in 1993. And about 25% of 40-year-olds have never been married.
Research shows that starting in the 1960s, people have been increasingly delaying marriage compared to earlier generations, with a growing number forgoing it altogether.
Even with these shifts, the pressure to get married hasn’t completely gone away. It can come from many different sources, like:
Friends: Your friends might ask about marriage because they want to see you happy. If most of them are married or in a long-term relationship, they might assume you want the same. Jokes, teasing, or constant questions, like, “So, when’s the wedding?” can make you feel like you’re behind, even when you’re happy with where you are in life. Remember, marriage isn’t a race, and it’s healthier to be single than married to the wrong person.
Parents: You may feel family pressure to get married from your parents. Although it can feel annoying, they often ask because they want you to feel loved and supported. For many parents, marriage can feel like a safety net that ensures their child’s future happiness.
Media and society: Movies, social media, and ads often make it seem like marriage is the key to happiness and success, which can add more pressure. The truth is marriage isn’t for everyone. In fact, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, nearly half of adults in the U.S. are single.
Religion: Many churches and faith communities focus their services and programs on married couples and families, which can make single people feel left out or pressured to marry.
Personal fears: Outside pressures may make you feel like your life isn’t complete without a partner or that you’re somehow broken, unloved, or failing to live up to your purpose. In some cases, gamophobia, an intense fear of commitment or marriage, can cause anxiety and interfere with relationships.
Romantic partner: If you’re dating someone, your partner might expect marriage to be the next big step. This can certainly add pressure and tension if you’re not on the same page.
Culture: In some cultures, marriage is treated as a rite of passage or a way to bring honor to the family. For women, getting married and having children can be seen as adding value, while staying single may bring extra social and personal pressures. In other cultures, the focus is on marrying at an appropriate age to protect the family’s honor. In these cases, the timing of marriage matters more than finding the right partner.
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Healthy ways to handle marriage pressure
It can feel frustrating when people keep asking about your marriage plans. Maybe you haven’t met the right person or just don’t want to get married at all. Comments like telling a woman that her “biological clock is ticking,” or warning a man he may “grow old alone,” can feel unkind and unfair. Marriage is a personal choice, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Some healthy ways to manage marriage pressure may include:
Affirm your decision. Not everyone wants the traditional route of marriage or a long-term relationship, and that’s OK. Choosing your own path can still lead to a happy and fulfilling life. You can have a loving and caring relationship without being in an exclusive long-term marriage.
Set boundaries. It’s OK to tell parents, relatives, or friends that you don’t want to hear constant reminders about marriage. Protecting your peace matters.
Put yourself first. Your happiness doesn’t depend on living up to other people’s expectations. Focus on what brings you joy — whether that’s achieving career goals or developing deeply rewarding platonic friendships.
Find your people. Surround yourself with friends and communities that celebrate you for who you are. Having support from those who respect your choices reminds you that your worth goes beyond marriage.
Be prepared. Holiday gatherings, weddings, and family reunions can feel extra intense when you’re single. Relatives and friends may turn up the pressure with constant questions about your future marriage plans. Instead of being caught off guard, try preparing a response ahead of time. You might be polite but firm and say, “That’s not something I’m focused on right now,” or, with a little humor, “I don’t plan on catching a bridal bouquet anytime soon.”
Practice self-compassion. Pressure can make you doubt your choices. Remember that your value isn’t based on whether you get married or not. You’re allowed to follow your own timeline. It might be helpful to practice mirror work and saying affirmations to yourself, like, “There’s no deadline for love or commitment,” or, “My happiness doesn’t depend on meeting someone else’s expectations.”
Get support if needed. Talking to a therapist can help you handle marriage pressure, cope with stress, and build confidence in staying true to yourself. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helps you catch unhelpful thoughts, like, “There must be something wrong with me because I’m not married yet,” and replace them with healthier ones. Interpersonal therapy (IPT) can guide you in setting boundaries with family or friends who won’t stop asking about marriage. Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) teaches you how to accept tough feelings, like guilt or frustration, while staying true to your values.
Everyone’s timeline unfolds differently. When you start comparing yourself to others, remind yourself that you’re not behind — you’re just on your own path, and that’s completely valid.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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Getting married is a personal decision. But the nonstop questions when you’re single can feel overwhelming. If the pressure wears you down, therapy can give you the tools and support to handle it. A therapist can help you set healthy boundaries and develop responses that make the constant questions easier to manage.
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Linda Childers
Linda is an award-winning medical writer with experience writing for major media outlets, health companies, hospitals, and both consumer and trade print and digital outlets.
Her articles have appeared in the Washington Post, USA Today, WebMD, AARP, Brain+Life, HealthyWomen.org, The Rheumatologist, California Health Report, Everyday Health, HealthCentral, and many other media outlets.
While juggling the responsibilities of being part of the “sandwich generation” and caring for both her toddler son and terminally ill mother, a nurse friend encouraged her to seek therapy, which helped her to learn coping strategies and manage her depression. Linda hopes her work will help to destigmatize mental health conditions and encourage others to get the help they need.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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