Do you have toxic parents?

It’s painful to have toxic parents. You may doubt your experience — especially if they tend to try to gaslight or manipulate you. You might wonder if what you’re feeling is valid. While no online quiz can tell you definitively if your parents are toxic, this quiz may give you a helpful starting point to explore your feelings. Your answers can help you decide if you should consider professional support.

Take the toxic parents test

Answer each question as accurately and honestly as possible. It may be helpful to think about one parent at a time — especially if you feel that one parent is more toxic than the other.

If taking this quiz brings up painful or traumatic memories for you, feel free to take a break and return to it later.

1. Growing up, did you feel like other people were closer with their parents than you were with yours?

   • Yes

   • No

   • Sometimes

2. Do you feel like you have to "walk on eggshells" to avoid upsetting them?

   • Yes

   • No

   • Sometimes

3. Did/do you feel like your accomplishments weren’t/aren’t as celebrated as they should be?

   • Yes

   • No

   • Sometimes

4. Do your parents have a hard time managing their reactions to the things you share?

   • Yes

   • No

   • Sometimes

5. Do your parents tend to blame you for their own challenges in life?

   • Yes

   • No

   • Sometimes

6. Does their love feel conditional, like you only receive it when you behave a certain way?

   • Yes

   • No

   • Sometimes

7. Do they take your feelings as a personal attack, acting like a victim even when they’re the ones who caused the hurt?

   • Yes

   • No

   • Sometimes

8. Do they tend to make jokes at your expense?

   • Yes

   • No

   • Sometimes

9. Do they only show up for you when it’s convenient for them or serves them in some way?

   • Yes

   • No

   • Sometimes

10. Do you feel a sense of dread when you’re about to visit your parents?

    • Yes

    • No

    • Sometimes

Quiz content written by Lolly Coleman, MS, LMFT.

Interpreting your results

If you answered mostly “yes,” your parents show toxic traits that have likely impacted you on a deep level.

If you answered mostly “no,” your parents likely show you stability and support. If you answered mostly “sometimes,” your parents may feel unpredictable or tend to offer love and support but aren’t always able.

How the quiz determines whether parents are toxic

This quiz was created by a licensed mental health therapist with expertise on family relationships. It targets typically toxic parent behaviors like:

• Passive aggression

• Guilt-tripping

• Emotional or psychological abuse

• Narcissistic abuse, like manipulation and gaslighting

No quiz can definitively and objectively determine whether your parents are toxic. “Toxic” isn’t a diagnosis but rather a descriptive term that people use to describe patterns of behavior that are hurtful, manipulative, controlling, or otherwise harmful. A lot of context comes into play when deciding whether someone is toxic, from cultural and societal context to personal views.

This quiz can help you understand how you feel about your parents’ behavior. If you scored high on this quiz, it’s a good indicator that you’re feeling hurt by your parents. At minimum, they’re behaving in emotionally immature ways. For some people, this behavior could cross the line into abuse.

Next steps after taking the test

If this test has helped you understand that your parents may be toxic, know that you’re not alone. It can be both validating and painful to get affirmation that your parents’ behavior is hurtful. 

If you answered mostly “no”

You might feel relieved to know that your parents aren’t engaging in behaviors that are typically seen as “toxic.” But if you searched for and took this quiz, it may be because you’re feeling some sort of hurt or distance within the relationship. Even if your parents aren’t toxic, that doesn’t mean that your relationship is perfect or that there’s no conflict.

If your parents are generally supportive, it can be a good idea to talk to them about any hurt you’ve felt. No parent is perfect, and these responses suggest that your parents may be open to feedback.

If you answered mostly “sometimes”

If you answered mostly “sometimes,” or if your answers were split between “yes” and “no,” it could be a sign that your parents are unpredictable. You might feel their support sometimes, but at other times feel like they aren’t able to give you what you need. 

Think about whether you want to talk to your parents about their behavior. Consider what you know about them already and whether you think having a conversation with them would be helpful. If you decide to talk to them, try to keep the focus on your feelings.

For example, you might say something like, “When you react that way to things I share, I end up feeling hurt and shut down. I’m not trying to blame you. I just want you to understand how it affects me.”

If you answered mostly “yes”

You can take several steps to deal with toxic parents. Even if they don’t (or can’t) change, you can still protect your mental health.

Boundaries are key here, and they can look different for every family. Think about what you’d need for this relationship to work — even if your parents don’t necessarily change. This highly depends on your unique family and situation. Examples of boundaries include limiting time in shared emotional space, skipping major holidays together, and not allowing their words to define your self-worth.

Some people decide to go no contact with their toxic parents — especially after they’ve tried other boundaries first. This isn’t usually the first resort for most people. It’s painful to lose important relationships. But sometimes it’s necessary to protect your mental health.

How therapy can help

Regardless of your results on this quiz, if you’re feeling hurt in the relationship you have with your parents, therapy can help. 

Family therapy can help improve your communication skills and reduce conflict. You and your parents can address long-standing patterns that may be keeping your relationship feeling tense. It gives everyone a structured space to talk about difficult dynamics with guidance from a trained professional.

But you don’t need to involve your parents in your therapy process to benefit. You can see a therapist on your own. Therapy can give you a place to process your relationship with your parents and learn to set healthy boundaries. A therapist can also help you make important decisions about what level of contact is best for you.

Clinician’s take

Guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It often means you’re doing something new, honest, and self-protective. Trust grows when you treat your feelings as valid information rather than something to override.

Ashley Ayala, LMFT

Clinical reviewer