Limerence is an unhealthy infatuation with another person. It’s an involuntary feeling, whereas love is a more conscious choice.
If you’re unsure if you're experiencing love or limerence, this limerence test can help you make sense of your feelings.
Learning about limerence can help you recognize when you're entering this state and how to overcome those feelings.
When you develop strong romantic feelings for someone, it’s normal to wonder if it’s love. But when those feelings are one-sided and become all-consuming, it may be a sign of limerence — a state of intense romantic infatuation. If you're currently consumed by desire for a certain person, consider taking a limerence test.
A limerence test can help you reflect on your thoughts and behaviors toward someone, known as the limerent object [1] (LO). Although limerence isn’t a diagnosable mental health condition, it can still cause significant emotional distress. Having this insight may help you move forward.
Do your thoughts about this person distract from your day-to-day activities and make it hard to focus?
Are you in love or obsessed?
It can be hard to tell the difference between limerence and love or lust, but a few key things set them apart.
To start, limerence is typically one-sided. Your LO may not feel the same way or even be aware of your feelings. And, unlike having a crush or being in love, limerence can become so intense that it feels like an addiction or obsession. It’s even possible for your LO to be someone you don’t know — like a celebrity or your local barista.
Without support, limerence can begin to take a serious toll on your emotional well-being. Although it's not a mental health condition, it can increase your risk of concerns [2] like anxiety and depression. It can also impact your relationships, focus and concentration, and ability to take care of yourself.
If you’re finding it difficult to make sense of your feelings about a certain person, consider taking the following quiz. Answer “yes,” “no,” or “sometimes” for each for the following statements.
Do your thoughts about this person distract from your day-to-day activities and make it hard to focus?
Do small interactions or signals from this person feel like they take over your imagination?
Do you replay past conversations with this person, hoping to uncover hidden meaning?
Do you frequently imagine elaborate future scenarios or perfect conversations with this person?
Does your mood noticeably shift depending on how you think this person feels about you, either positively or negatively?
When communication or interaction is absent, do you feel deeply disappointed, restless, or preoccupied?
Do you find yourself focusing solely and primarily on this person’s positive qualities and ignoring any potential “red flags”?
Do you imagine an idealized future relationship with this person?
Does it feel intensely important that this person return your feelings?
Do you find yourself checking messages or social media more often than before, hoping for interaction or a sign of attention from this person?
Do thoughts about this person take up more time or attention than you’d prefer?
Has your preoccupation with this person caused you to neglect your responsibilities, hobbies, or other friendships?
Do you continue to dwell on this person even if they aren’t interested in you in return?
Quiz content written by Michael Gunn-Cabrera, LCSW
How to interpret your results
Understanding your feelings is key to knowing how to move forward. If you answered “no” to most questions, there’s a good chance that your feelings are consistent with normal romantic interest and curiosity. These feelings may be strong, but they’re steady and have developed over time.
A majority of “yes” responses might show that your behavior patterns align with limerence. If you answered “yes” or “sometimes” to more than half of the questions and are finding it difficult to focus on other aspects of your life [3], it may be worth speaking with a mental health professional. They can help you make sense of your thoughts and strong emotional reactions.
Can limerence turn into love?
According to Dr. Dorothy Tennov, the psychologist who first coined the concept of limerence, it typically ends in three ways:
Your feelings for your LO become mutual. Limerence doesn’t become love, but it can lead to the start of a new chapter with this person. With this, it's important to note that limerence and love are two different states.
You realize your LO doesn’t share your feelings. While this can be incredibly painful, it’s one of the most common ways that limerence ends. You may even be relieved that the experience is over.
Your feelings shift to someone else. You may also develop limerence for another person, who becomes your new LO.
What you should know about limerence
Limerence has no set timeline. You could experience it for weeks or even decades, with the average episode lasting between 18 months and 3 years [4].
The exact cause of limerence is unknown, but this state is often observed in people with anxious or insecure attachment styles [2]. Limerence can also be a sign of an underlying mental health condition.
Related mental health conditions include:
Overcoming limerence often requires self-awareness and self-compassion. When you recognize your feelings for what they are, you create space to process and move forward.
If symptoms continue, it may be worth asking for help. Working with a therapist can help you understand your attachment style, challenge obsessive thoughts, and learn to cope with overwhelming feelings.
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One way to break the cycle of limerence is to shift the focus back to yourself. Instead of focusing on their ‘perfection,’ start asking what you might be needing or missing. This helps ground the intensity and reduce idealization. Therapy can be a helpful space to explore these patterns and build more secure, fulfilling connections.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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Limerence may feel like love at first, but it’s very different from steady, mutual love. The sooner you recognize the signs of limerence, the sooner you can begin to manage the emotional distress. With the right support, you can better understand your attachment patterns and how to build meaningful connections with others.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
References
- Limerence, Hidden Obsession, Fixation, and Rumination: A Scoping Review of Human Behaviour https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11896-024-09674-x
- Exploring the Lived-Experience of Limerence: A Journey toward Authenticity https://www.researchgate.net/publication/281770241_Exploring_the_Lived-Experience_of_Limerence_A_Journey_toward_Authenticity
- Development and Validation of the Limerence Questionnaire (LQ-11) https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/00332941251394980
- Treatment of Limerence Using a Cognitive Behavioral Approach: A Case Study https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8641115/#:~:text=Introduction,about%20the%20LO%20%283%29.
Alex Bachert
Alex Bachert is a freelance copywriter and mental health advocate. Since earning her masters degree in public health, she has focused her career on creating informative content that empowers people to prioritize their health and well-being. Alex has partnered with organizations like Ro, WellTheory, and Firsthand, and her work has been recognized by the Digital Health Association.
When she’s not writing about mental health, Alex is usually playing pickleball, meeting with her local board of health, or enjoying time with her three kids.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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