How the patriarchy harms men’s mental health too

The patriarchy is a social system in which men hold primary power. It could look like cultures in which men make the majority of political decisions or homes where everyone defers to the eldest male. Patriarchies disempower women and other genders, but they affect men as well — just maybe not in the ways you may assume. While patriarchal systems often give men more social power, they can also create pressure to appear strong, emotionally controlled, and self-sufficient at all times.

These expectations can negatively affect men’s mental health. In patriarchies, men are often less likely to seek support or talk openly about emotional struggles. At the same time, they experience high rates of loneliness, substance use, and suicide*. In the U.S., men die by suicide nearly four times more often than women ^[1].

Not every man is affected in the same way. But patriarchies teach men that vulnerability is weakness and that emotions should be hidden. If you’ve ever felt pressure to “man up,” stay strong, or handle problems on your own, these messages may feel familiar. The good news is that more men are beginning to challenge these messages and seek support.

*The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline provides 24/7, confidential support with trained crisis counselors. If you or a loved one is in emotional distress or a suicidal crisis, please call or text 988. If you’re experiencing a life-threatening emergency or you need immediate help, please call 911.

How the patriarchy can be harmful to men

A common misconception is that the patriarchy can’t harm men because men often benefit from it socially or economically. But systems that reward power can still create harmful expectations. 

Many men experience pressure to suppress emotions, avoid vulnerability, and constantly prove themselves. Over time, you may find that these expectations affect your mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. 

Here are the specific ways patriarchy can harm men’s mental health: 

They feel like they can’t ask for help 

Many men grow up hearing messages to “man up” or “don’t cry.” Suppressing emotions ^[2] can make it harder to identify feelings, communicate openly, or seek support during difficult moments. If you were taught that asking for help is a sign of weakness, reaching out can feel especially difficult. Research shows men are often less likely to seek mental health treatment ^[3], even when they’re struggling. In a 2023 survey ^[4], 65% of men said they were hesitant to seek professional help for mental health concerns.

They feel like they have to appear strong at all times

The patriarchy often teaches men that their value comes from being successful or dominant. While these traits may seem positive on the surface, they can create intense pressure when men feel they’re not meeting those expectations ^[5]. This can contribute to anxiety, burnout, and low self-worth.

They feel lonely 

Many men are socialized to avoid vulnerability in friendships and relationships. As a result, they may have fewer emotionally supportive connections than women. This can increase feelings of loneliness and isolation ^[6].

Which groups are most likely to be impacted

Some groups of men may feel the effects of patriarchy more strongly because they face extra pressure, discrimination, or strict expectations about masculinity. This can include men of color, LGBTQ+ men, men with disabilities, men living in poverty, and men who don’t fit traditional ideas of what a man “should” be.

For example, men who are seen as emotional, vulnerable, feminine or who are unemployed or financially unstable may face shame, judgment, or rejection for not matching cultural expectations. Some men may also feel pressure to act tough or hide their emotions to avoid stigma or discrimination.

Managing the effects of masculine gender roles

Many men grow up hearing messages about how they’re “supposed” to act, feel, or handle problems. Over time, those expectations can affect mental health, relationships, and self-esteem. But with awareness and practice, these patterns can change. 

Here are a few ways that men can challenge patriarchal expectations and protect their mental health:

• Practice emotional awareness. Learning to recognize emotions can help men communicate better, handle stress, and build stronger relationships.

• Embrace vulnerability. Opening up to trusted people can reduce loneliness and help men see that asking for help isn’t a weakness.

• Set boundaries. Setting limits around work, productivity, or people pleasing can help reduce stress and burnout.

• Build support systems. Strong friendships and supportive communities can improve mental health and help men feel less alone.

• Have self-compassion. Replacing shame and harsh self-criticism with self-understanding can help men respond to struggles in healthier ways.

• Go to therapy. Therapy can help men understand how gender roles may have shaped the way they think, cope, and relate to others. It can also provide a safe place to practice emotional expression and healthier coping skills. More men are going to therapy than ever ^[7], showing that getting support is becoming more accepted.

Clinician’s take

In my experience, vulnerability often reduces the anxiety and isolation many men are trying to avoid. When clients start opening up emotionally, they often feel less alone and less exhausted from constantly trying to appear strong. The good news is that emotional openness can grow over time with support and practice.

Brandy Chalmers, LPC

Clinical reviewer