While not a clinical diagnosis, empty nest syndrome refers to the sadness, loneliness, and grief that parents experience when their children leave home.
Exploring new (and old) passions, connecting with your social network, and embracing the positives can all help you find purpose as an empty nester.
It's normal to experience a range of emotions as you transition to being an empty nester. But if you’re having a hard time maintaining your routine or showing signs of depression, it’s worth seeking professional support.
Parenthood is full of major milestones. We often focus on the early moments, like first steps and starting kindergarten, but your child moving out can be just as significant. Whether they’re off to college, pursuing their career, or moving in with their partner, you may find that this transition makes you feel like an empty nester.
Empty nester syndrome refers to the sadness that parents often feel when their children leave home. While not a clinical diagnosis or disorder, it’s a common experience for many parents as their children get older.
Why becoming an empty nester can be hard
Many parents feel a little lost or lonely in the days and weeks after their child moves out. Even if you’ve been looking forward to more freedom and privacy, you may find that the moment is bittersweet.
One of the most obvious differences is that your home is quieter. Instead of sharing a smile in the morning or hearing about their day during dinner, your communication may center around calls and texts. You may wonder how the distance will influence your relationship with your child. And while this is an understandable concern, you might find that it actually strengthens your bond.
Becoming an empty nester can also impact your identity and sense of self. You may feel like you suddenly lack purpose or don’t know how to fill your days. It can lead to mental health challenges, like feeling more lonely or anxious [1] than normal.
Ways to find purpose as an empty nester
If you’re feeling like an empty nester, know you’re not the only parent to experience these mixed emotions. These tips can help you navigate this change and find more purpose as an empty nester.
1. Give yourself permission to grieve
Watching your child move away can feel like the end of an era, so give yourself permission to feel sad or upset. Like other examples of disenfranchised grief, these feelings are often overlooked but can still be incredibly upsetting.
Instead of minimizing or avoiding your feelings, make a point to acknowledge them in healthy ways. For example, cooking your child’s favorite meal or keeping a daily journal.
2. Set meaningful goals for yourself
If you’re feeling lost or at loose ends, it can be helpful to think about what matters most to you. Reflect on your values and beliefs, and set some related goals for yourself.
If you’re not sure where to start, you might consider your:
Personal objectives: Plan to meditate each morning or read a certain number of books per month.
Career aspirations: Earn a job-related certification or put yourself forward for a promotion.
Comfort zone: Visit somewhere on your bucket list or ask a new neighbor to coffee.
The future: Consider when and where you’d like to retire.
3. Explore new (or former) passions
Make time for activities that support your emotional well-being.
This might involve passions you previously enjoyed or new hobbies that you’ve been meaning to try. These might include gardening, learning a new language, or taking an art class. You could also volunteer with a local charity or find ways to mentor others in your community.
4. Stay connected
Now that your child has moved out, it may be more important than ever to focus on the other relationships in your life. This type of social connection has been shown to benefit mental health [2] and well-being among empty nesters.
This could mean nurturing your relationship with your partner [3] or expanding your support circle. Joining a book club or growing your professional network can be good ways to meet new people and deepen relationships.
5. Remember you're still a parent
Whether your child is one room or one state away, you’re always going to be their parent. Similar to you, they’re going through a transition too. So, find ways to be there for them as they adjust to their new normal.
It’s also an opportunity to develop your bond with your child. For example, maybe you decide to watch the same TV series so you can discuss it during your next phone call. If they move to a new city, make plans to explore their neighborhood together.
When to seek help with empty nester syndrome
It’s normal for these feelings of sadness to come and go in waves, but if you continue to feel overwhelmed with grief, it may be worth speaking with someone who can help.
Consider seeking professional support if:
You're having trouble with things like eating and sleeping.
You're finding it difficult to focus on work or other important aspects of your life.
You're struggling to find purpose or meaning in life.
You're relying on unhealthy coping strategies, like excessive drinking or doomscrolling.
The other important relationships in your life are suffering.
You’re experiencing persistent anxiety about your child’s well-being.
Therapy offers a safe space to unpack and process your feelings. Approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) can help you reframe your perspective and reconnect with your sense of self. With the support of your therapist, you can also develop healthy strategies to cope with difficult emotions and navigate this new stage in your life.
Therapy can be particularly effective if you're also navigating other major life events, like retirement, menopause, or grief.
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One of the biggest mindset shifts is realizing that your role as a parent doesn’t end just because your child no longer lives at home. You’re not replacing your identity as a parent. You’re expanding it to make room for other parts of yourself that may have been on hold for years.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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It’s not easy to watch your child move out and grow up, but it’s a necessary part of life. If you’re having a hard time with this change, consider speaking with a therapist who understands empty nester syndrome. They can help you cope with your feelings and focus on a future that feels fulfilling to you.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
References
- Empty nest syndrome: A concept analysis https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11414866/
- Social participation and health in middle-aged and older empty nesters: A study on gender differences https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352827324000417
- Empty Nest Status, Marital Closeness, and Perceived Health: Testing Couples’ Direct and Moderated Associations with an Actor-Partner Interdependence Model https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8846430/#S14
Alex Bachert
Alex Bachert is a freelance copywriter and mental health advocate. Since earning her masters degree in public health, she has focused her career on creating informative content that empowers people to prioritize their health and well-being. Alex has partnered with organizations like Ro, WellTheory, and Firsthand, and her work has been recognized by the Digital Health Association.
When she’s not writing about mental health, Alex is usually playing pickleball, meeting with her local board of health, or enjoying time with her three kids.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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