Self-loathing involves harsh self-criticism and feelings of worthlessness or unworthiness that can have a negative affect on your mental health, relationships, and day-to-day life.
Self-loathing can stem from perceived mistakes, childhood trauma, social comparison, and certain mental health conditions. Understanding the cause of your self-loathing is an essential part of addressing and managing these feelings.
Techniques like increasing self-awareness, challenging negative thoughts, using positive affirmations, and strengthening your support network can help you change the way you think about yourself.
Most people have negative thoughts about themselves once in a while. You might think, “I can’t believe I messed that up,” “I’ll never be as good as everyone else,” or “People must think I’m a loser.” Having these thoughts sometimes doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
Self-loathing means feeling strong dislike or anger toward yourself, as if you don’t deserve care or happiness. While low self-esteem often looks like self-doubt or insecurity, self-loathing goes deeper — it can feel like your mind is turning against you. It’s not a formal diagnosis, but it can be a sign of other mental health challenges like trauma, depression, or an anxiety disorder.
If these thoughts happen often or start to affect your daily life, know that help is available. Working with a therapist can teach you how to notice negative self-talk, challenge it, and build a kinder, more supportive view of yourself.
What is self-loathing?
Self-loathing is a feeling of intense dislike, disgust, guilt, or shame directed toward oneself. Sometimes referred to as “self-hatred,” it usually involves a pattern of rigid self-criticism, social comparison, or feelings of unworthiness.
People who experience chronic self-loathing may struggle with feelings of inadequacy, despite their talents and abilities. They may believe they’re unworthy of happiness or love. Their negative view of themselves may result in harsh self-criticism and difficulty acknowledging their positive attributes. For some people, these feelings significantly impact their mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life.
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What causes self-loathing?
Self-loathing can take many forms and can stem from a variety of causes. Sometimes, it can be the result of feeling as if you made a mistake or disappointed someone. This is because when we excessively blame ourselves for our mistakes, it can cause us to engage in negative self-talk.
However, self-loathing can also stem from certain environmental and physiological factors.
Here are some common causes of self-loathing:
Living with a mental health condition, like depression, borderline personality disorder, a phobia, or an eating disorder
Experiencing childhood trauma in the form of abuse
Experiencing social-media-induced comparison to others
Having perfectionistic tendencies
Living with a substance use disorder
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Seven ways to overcome self-loathing
Interrupting negative self-talk and reconstructing your self-concept can take some time. But know that if you struggle with self-loathing, you can work to overcome it with the right support. For some people, this means seeking help from a mental health professional to address their underlying concerns.
But there are some things you can do on your own to help you strengthen your self-esteem and learn to see yourself in a more positive light. These include:
Increasing your self-awareness: Learning more about yourself and the source of your self-loathing is an important first step. This insight can help you identify possible triggers and develop healthy coping strategies.
Challenging negative thoughts: When you have a negative thought about yourself, pause to ask yourself if it’s really true. It may be easy to just accept these damaging thoughts as facts. But by challenging them, you’ll likely discover that you have some compelling evidence to contradict them.
Making a list of your positive attributes: Take a few minutes each day to reflect on your positive qualities and write them down. They can be small things, like supporting a friend or having great taste in books or movies. By getting into this habit, you can train your brain to begin noticing positive things about yourself throughout the course of your day.
Trying to avoid comparison: Social media has made it especially easy to compare ourselves to others. But it isn’t the only source of comparison in our lives. If you tend to compare yourself to friends, family, or coworkers, remember that no one is perfect. Focus on your own uniqueness, and know that outward appearances don’t tell the full story of someone’s life.
Building a habit of positive self-talk: It might feel a little silly at first, but you can challenge negative self-talk by saying positive affirmations out loud. For example, you might say something like “I’m strong, I’m capable, and I can handle whatever comes my way today.”
Strengthening your support network: Think about the people you spend the most time with. How do you feel when you’re together? Focus on your friends, family, and colleagues who leave you feeling most uplifted. Look for ways to strengthen your connections with your support network, and avoid spending time with people who make your self-loathing worse.
Practicing self-compassion: Remember, if you’re struggling with self-loathing, chances are this is something that evolved over time. In other words, since it didn’t develop overnight, it will probably take some time to overcome it, and that’s OK. Just remember to have patience and acknowledge all the hard work you’re doing to change the way you see yourself.
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How to help someone who’s experiencing self-loathing
Watching someone you care about struggle with self-loathing can be a difficult experience. You probably wish they could just see themselves the way you do. But while their positive qualities might seem obvious to you, remember that this is not their experience. So try to listen without judgment and create an open space for them to express themselves. And remember, you can acknowledge their feelings without agreeing with them.
For example, if your friend or loved one says something like “I just can’t do anything right,” you might be tempted to give them a long list of reasons why that simply isn’t true. This is an understandable response. But it may be more helpful to reflect that person’s feelings. You might say something like “I hear you saying you feel like you can’t do anything right. I know it must be really hard to feel that way. Do you want to tell me more about it?” This sort of response can go a long way in helping the person feel seen and heard.
Healing from self-loathing begins the moment you realize you don’t have to earn your worth — you only have to remember it’s been yours all along.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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If you’re struggling with self-loathing, it could be a sign that you’re living with an underlying mental health concern. But by working with a mental health professional, you can uncover the root of your negative self-talk and strengthen your self-esteem.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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