Key Takeaways
Sexual fluidity is the idea that your sexual identity, attractions, and behaviors can change over time.
Learning more about sexual fluidity can help you feel more comfortable with yourself and your relationships.
If you're exploring your sexuality, it can be helpful to speak with someone you trust. Therapy offers a safe, judgment-free space to understand your sexual preferences and identity.
Questioning your sexuality is a natural part of self-discovery. As you’re exposed to new people and experiences, it’s normal to learn more about your feelings and attractions. You might even realize that you’re sexually fluid — meaning your preferences continue to change as you move through life.
While there’s no pressure to officially identify with sexual fluidity, having this language can provide you with a better understanding of your attractions and desires.
What it means to be sexually fluid
Sexual fluidity [1] is the idea that a person’s sexual orientation isn’t set or fixed. This means that your sexual identity, attractions, and behaviors can evolve over time. According to recent data, about 1 in 11 U.S. adults changed sexual identities [2] over a 5-year period. Anyone can be sexually fluid, though it may be more common in younger people and those who identify as LGBTQ+.
Because sexuality can be fluid, the experience may look different for everyone. Here are some signs that you might be sexually fluid.
1. Labels don’t always feel right
Changing your sexual orientation label can be a sign of sexual fluidity. For example, you might have identified as heterosexual when you were young and switched to bisexual [3] or pansexual [4] later in life. Or maybe it never felt right to identify with one specific label.
2. Your attractions change
People who are sexually fluid may find that their attraction shifts over time. This could be over the course of a few months, years, or throughout your life. You might find that you're attracted to the same gender, then a different gender, and then multiple at the same time, for example.
With sexual fluidity, your sexual and romantic attractions don’t always align. You might experience romantic attraction to people of one gender but prefer a physical relationship with people of a different gender.
3. You experience changes in sexual behavior
Sexual fluidity can also include changes in sexual behavior. You may find that your sexual experiences are inconsistent — shifting between genders depending on who you’re attracted to at that time. Even being interested in the idea of a sexual relationship with a different gender than you were previously attracted to may be a sign of sexual fluidity.
Sexual fluidity and emotional well-being
Understanding your sexuality can help you feel more comfortable in your own skin. It’s a chance to embrace your authentic self and enjoy meaningful relationships that feel right to you.
Unfortunately, sexual fluidity can also present some unique challenges. You might worry that other people, like your partners or family, will judge or reject you. This can lead to feelings of shame or low self-esteem.
These feelings tie into a large concern regarding LGBTQ+ mental health challenges. Research shows that people in the queer community are more likely than the general population to experience emotional distress [5]. Sexual fluidity, in particular, is linked to an increased risk of depression and harmful substance use [6].
Other notes on sexual fluidity
The concept of sexual fluidity can be difficult to understand at first. Contrary to some common misconceptions, being sexually fluid doesn't mean you’re promiscuous [7] or opposed to monogamy.
There are potential reasons why some people are more fluid in their sexuality [1]. One theory views sexuality as a linear path — meaning heterosexual people either remain heterosexual or discover a different sexual orientation.
Some people mistakenly believe that sexual fluidity is just a phase before returning to heterosexuality, but research does not support this view [1]. Experts emphasize that sexual fluidity is a valid and enduring experience that can shift in multiple directions over a person’s lifetime.
Fixed versus changing sexuality
When discussing fluidity, it’s important to note that not all queer people are sexually fluid. Most will experience some sort of sexual revelation, but it might be that they’re attracted to the same gender or that they don't experience sexual attraction at all.
For example, many lesbians only experience same-sex attraction throughout their lives. Sexuality fluidity is also distinct [8] from bisexuality. Bisexuality involves a pattern of consistent attraction to both men and women (and sometimes nonbinary people), while sexual fluidity involves changes in attraction that may involve both men and women.
Figuring out next steps
Sexual fluidity defies the traditional norms of how people experience sexual attraction. If you’ve noticed that your sexual preferences have changed over time, you might have some questions about what that means for you and your relationships.
Many people find it helpful to confide in someone they trust, like a friend, family member, or mentor. You might also consider therapy. Therapists who specialize in LGBTQ+ care will have the empathy and expertise to help you unpack both the joys and challenges of coming to terms with your sexuality. They can show you how to process complicated feelings, cultivate self-acceptance, and decide if and when you share your sexual preferences with others.
Clinician's take
Societal pressure to pick a label can make exploration feel like a test instead of a journey. When a person feels rushed to define themselves, it can create shame or confusion instead of the confidence that comes from letting their identity unfold naturally.
Find care with Rula
If you're questioning your sexuality, it can be helpful to speak with someone you trust. Therapy offers a safe, judgment-free space to explore your sexual preferences and identity.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 21,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
