Toxic positivity is the belief that people should maintain a positive mindset no matter how difficult a situation is. It becomes harmful when it dismisses real emotions or makes someone feel guilty for experiencing difficulties.
Toxic positivity happens when people push others to “look on the bright side” and ignore emotions like sadness, anger, fear, or grief.
When people feel pressured to always be positive, they may start hiding their true emotions. This often leaves them feeling worse.
When someone goes through a breakup or loses a job and hears, “Everything happens for a reason,” it may sound comforting on the surface. But this can actually be a form of toxic positivity. Even when well-intentioned, these kinds of responses can dismiss real pain and make someone feel like their emotions don’t matter.
Toxic positivity has become more common in recent years — especially with the influence of social media and popular phrases like “good vibes only.” Staying positive can be helpful, but expecting people to be happy all the time leaves little room for other emotions that are just as important.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Being pressured to stay upbeat all the time can leave you feeling ignored, misunderstood, or even guilty for not being cheerful. Therapy can help you create space for your real emotions and feel truly heard.
Recognizing signs of toxic positivity
Life isn’t always happy — and that’s normal. Feeling sad, angry, or afraid doesn’t make you a negative person. It makes you human.
Toxic positivity happens when those real emotions are ignored or dismissed. It’s different from healthy optimism, which allows space for both hope and honesty. Toxic positivity sends the message that you should be cheerful all the time, no matter what’s happening.
Here are some common signs to look for:
At work: You’re told to “stay positive” instead of being allowed to admit stress or burnout.
In relationships: A partner says “Don’t dwell on it” instead of listening or offering support.
With friends: You hear “Think happy thoughts” when you try to share something painful.
In families: You’re praised for being strong but discouraged from showing sadness or frustration.
On social media: Posts about “good vibes only” or constant positivity make you feel guilty for experiencing any kind of difficulty.
Toxic positivity often comes from good intentions, but it can make real pain invisible. Learning to name and express your emotions is a healthier — and more human — way to heal.
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The harmful effects of forced happiness
Toxic positivity might seem harmless, but over time, it can wear down your mental and emotional health.
Here are a few ways toxic positivity can do real harm:
It shuts down real emotions. When people are told to “just stay positive,” they may push away feelings of sadness, anger, fear, or grief. To heal, these emotions need to be felt and processed.
It can hurt your mental health. Trying to be positive all the time can be exhausting. When people start to avoid feelings like sadness, anger, or stress, they may begin to think something’s wrong with them. Even without internalizing this toxic positivity, research has found that emotional invalidation from others can lead to guilt, anxiety, or even depression.
It creates guilt for feeling anything but happy. Toxic positivity sends the message that feeling down means you’re doing something wrong. This can leave people feeling ashamed for having normal human emotions.
It blocks real support. Instead of receiving empathy or comfort, people might hear, “Just think happy thoughts.” That surface-level advice can prevent people from seeking the help they need and denies them the opportunity to build emotional resilience.
It can damage relationships. When people constantly push positivity, it can feel like there’s no space to be real. This can weaken trust and strain relationships.
It delays healing. Avoiding tough emotions doesn’t make them go away. It can actually make things worse. Real healing comes from facing and working through emotions, not pretending everything’s fine.
How to avoid toxic positivity
Avoiding toxic positivity can seem challenging, but it’s possible. It starts with being emotionally honest with yourself and others and knowing how to respond when your feelings are being minimized.
Here’s some steps you can take:
Surround yourself with emotionally safe people. Spend time with those who let you show up as you are — whether you’re having a great day or a tough one. Having access to a good support network benefits your well-being and surrounds you with people who accept you on both your good and bad days.
Set healthy limits for yourself. Protect your energy. If certain social media spaces or people feel overly cheerful in a way that doesn’t feel authentic, it’s OK to take a step back.
Be direct but kind. State your needs without being harsh. Try saying, “I appreciate your input, but it feels invalidating when I’m hurting.”
Ask for what you really need. Help others support you better. You might say, “I’m not asking for advice — I just need someone to listen to me right now.” Create space for yourself to feel all types of emotions, whether alone or with others.
Redirect or exit the conversation. If someone continues to brush off your feelings, it’s OK to say, “I need to take a break from this conversation because it’s not helpful for me at the moment.”
Reinforce your boundaries. If toxic positivity continues even after you’ve expressed your feelings, you might say, “We’ve talked about this before, and I need you to respect how I’m feeling.” Setting healthy boundaries protects your overall well-being.
Toxic positivity can show up subtly when you assume that everyone’s goal is to feel happy. People then make comments or give advice based on this assumed goal, versus allowing to pursue authenticity — and feel a full range of emotions — over happiness. This can come through with phrases like, ‘Let’s just stay positive.’
Elise Miller, MA, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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If toxic positivity is weighing on your mental, emotional, or physical health, therapy can help. Talking with a therapist can offer a safe, judgment-free space where you can process your emotions honestly and learn to embrace a more authentic, balanced way of living — one that doesn’t rely on forced positivity.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
Linda Childers
Linda is an award-winning medical writer with experience writing for major media outlets, health companies, hospitals, and both consumer and trade print and digital outlets.
Her articles have appeared in the Washington Post, USA Today, WebMD, AARP, Brain+Life, HealthyWomen.org, The Rheumatologist, California Health Report, Everyday Health, HealthCentral, and many other media outlets.
While juggling the responsibilities of being part of the “sandwich generation” and caring for both her toddler son and terminally ill mother, a nurse friend encouraged her to seek therapy, which helped her to learn coping strategies and manage her depression. Linda hopes her work will help to destigmatize mental health conditions and encourage others to get the help they need.
Elise Miller, MA, LPC
Elise received her Masters in Professional Counseling from Liberty University and went on to become a Licensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor in Texas and Colorado. She has served in many facets of the mental health field including inpatient psychiatric hospitals, intensive outpatient programs, hospice, and mental health tech. She is currently working as an outpatient therapist in private practice.
Elise is also a mom of three little ones and brings this experience into her counseling work with fellow moms. Elise’s work comes from a place of deep compassion and lived experience along with her extensive training and specialization.
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