The guilt that follows after cheating can mirror the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
After cheating, it’s common to feel other emotions besides guilt. You might experience remorse, anxiety, sadness, or shame.
Working through these emotional stages in a healthy way may include accepting responsibility, making meaningful changes, and seeking support from a therapist.
Healthy relationships thrive on a fulfilling emotional connection, consistent communication, and trust. If you break that trust through cheating — whether it’s a one-time occurrence or a behavioral pattern — you may experience guilt. Learning about these stages of guilt after cheating can help you prepare for any feelings that arise and provide you with guidance as you navigate them.
The emotions you may feel after cheating will likely depend on your particular relationship and the nature of the infidelity. Some people may immediately experience remorse afterward. For others, it may take some time for regret to set in, or it may not occur at all.
Just as the aftermath of cheating can take an emotional toll on your partner, it can also wear you down too. You may question your morals and whether you should be in a relationship. But there’s hope. Talking with a therapist can help you self-reflect, provide support, and decide on next steps.
What are the stages of grief after cheating?
The guilt that follows cheating can feel similar to the stages of grief. This is because both involve significant emotional upheaval, including feelings like denial, shame, sadness, and regret.
It’s important to note that everyone’s experience is different. You might move through all the stages, only some, or cycle through them more than once.
Additionally, there’s no guaranteed timeline. Your guilt may fade after you’ve come to terms with your actions. Or some guilt may linger long after the cheating happens, especially if healing or resolution hasn’t yet taken place.
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Denial
When someone does something they feel guilty about, they can unconsciously slip into denial. Sometimes, this denial acts as a defensive mechanism. They might tell themselves it was a “one-time thing” or pretend it didn’t happen. In this stage, some people may also mislead or withhold information from their partners to avoid consequences. It’s important to remember that this is different from gaslighting, which involves a repeated pattern of intentional manipulation and control.
Anger
People who have cheated might feel angry — whether it’s directed at themselves, their partner, the person (or people) they cheated with, or the situation itself. Anger can also turn into defensiveness, which can look like denial.
It can also appear as hostility, with harsh accusations directed at their partner. These accusations might sound like, “You drove me to cheat,” or, “It’s your fault I cheated.”
Bargaining
Bargaining is an attempt at controlling a situation. People who’ve cheated might think they can get their partner back by convincing them they’ll never cheat again. Usually, bargaining involves “if” statements, like, “If she gives me another chance, I can prove I’m loyal,” or, “If only I hadn’t gone out, I wouldn’t have been tempted by that guy.”
Someone who cheats might feel desperate to earn back their partners’ trust or go to great lengths to alleviate their guilt. But bargaining isn’t the same as taking accountability for actions.
Depression
Feelings of depression can also be part of the stages of guilt. People who’ve been unfaithful can experience deep sadness, remorse, and shame. They might have low energy, feel hopeless, or lose interest in activities they used to enjoy.
Acceptance
In this stage, people accept responsibility for their actions and the consequences. Many people try to atone, like with a heartfelt apology and a promise to themselves or their partner to not repeat their mistakes.
At this stage, you may also continue self-reflection, examining what led to your cheating and how you can make different choices in the future.
Other effects of cheating besides guilt
Guilt is one of the most common emotions people experience after cheating, but it isn’t the only one. Infidelity can affect your emotional well-being, relationships, and how you see yourself. Everyone's experience is different, but many people experience some of the following:
Shame: Feeling like your actions define who you are instead of recognizing that you made a mistake
Anxiety: Worrying about the future of your relationship, being discovered, or what comes next
Sadness: Grieving the loss of trust, changes in your relationship, or the pain you’ve caused
Insecurity: Questioning yourself, your relationship, or whether forgiveness is possible
Regret: Wishing you had made a different choice or handled the situation differently
Relationship strain: Even when a relationship continues, rebuilding trust can take time and effort from both partners
If your infidelity involved emotional cheating, healing may feel even more complicated. Research suggests that many people find emotional affairs harder to forgive than physical ones because they involve a deep emotional connection outside the relationship.
Whatever you’re feeling, try to acknowledge your emotions instead of pushing them away. Working through difficult emotions with honesty and self-compassion can support healing. If guilt, shame, or anxiety begin affecting your daily life or make it difficult to move forward, a therapist can help you process your emotions, take accountability, and decide what healing looks like for you and your relationship.
Will the guilt ever go away after cheating?
Guilt after cheating often becomes less intense over time, but there’s no set timeline. For some people, guilt begins to ease after they’ve taken responsibility for their actions, made amends when possible, and worked to rebuild trust. For others, guilt may last longer — especially if the relationship ended or the situation still feels unresolved.
It's also important to remember that guilt isn't always a bad thing. In healthy amounts, it can motivate you to reflect on your choices, repair relationships, and make different decisions in the future. The goal isn't to erase guilt as quickly as possible. It's to learn from it without letting it define you.
How to move past guilt after cheating
If you’re struggling to overcome your guilt after cheating, know that it’s normal. You may regret hurting someone you care about.
Consider these healthy steps to face your guilt, move past the cheating, and grow:
Apologize to your partner. While your current or former partner might not be willing to talk in the aftermath of cheating, you can apologize for the impact your infidelity had on them. It’s important to approach this conversation sensitively and respect their boundaries.
Journal about your feelings. Journaling can be a healthy way to reflect on your experience, recognize any patterns, and help you recognize subconscious feelings.
Forgive yourself. It may take some time to work through the stages of guilt after cheating before you can truly forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself can look like a commitment to do better. Or perhaps it’s simply an acknowledgment that you’re human and made mistakes.
Try therapy. A therapist can help you explore the motivations behind your cheating and support you in taking accountability. Approaches, like cognitive behavioral therapy, can help you identify and reframe unhelpful thoughts related to the experience and guide you toward healthier patterns of thinking and behavior.
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I wish people who feel overwhelmed by guilt after cheating understood that healing takes time and it's OK to feel imperfect during this process. It's important to be patient with yourself, as forgiveness and growth are gradual steps, not something that happens all at once.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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Coming to terms with your cheating can be a challenging experience that brings up many complex emotions — from guilt and shame to regret and sadness. Understanding the stages of guilt after cheating can help you navigate these feelings and move forward in a healthy way. Whatever you decide next, a therapist can support you.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
Siobhan Neela-Stock
Siobhan Neela-Stock is a writer and journalist who focuses on health, particularly mental health. She earned her master's in journalism from Northwestern University in 2018 and worked at Mashable for over two years where she focused on social good reporting.
Her writing has appeared in the New York Times, SELF, Fortune, Verywell Health, among other publications. Neela-Stock also teaches writing and journalism at several universities.
She enjoys traveling, dancing, playing dodgeball, and spending time with her loved ones.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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