How to help a teen face bullying

Research shows that bullying is a common experience for teens today. A May 2024 nationwide survey found that nearly 20% of young people ages 12 to 18 experienced being bullied at some point during the past year. The prevalence of bullying means that many adults may find themselves wondering how best to support a teen who’s facing bullying.

While bullying isn’t a new phenomenon, today we have a deeper understanding of the ways it can negatively affect teens’ mental health and overall well-being. Learning more about what bullying looks like and how to respond to it can help keep a teen you care about safe.

What does bullying look like for teenagers today?

Bullying is repeated, purposeful behavior designed to hurt someone else. There’s not one single profile of a person who bullies. Young people who bully others can be either well connected socially or marginalized and may be bullied by others as well. Similarly, people who are bullied sometimes bully others.

Some of the most common forms of bullying include:

• Physical: Hitting, kicking, punching, biting, damaging or stealing a person’s property

• Verbal/Emotional: Name-calling, threats, teasing, spreading rumors

• Psychological: Purposefully excluding someone, telling other teens not to hang out with that person, coercing someone into doing something that could harm them or get them in trouble, gaslighting

• Cyberbullying: Leaking personal information or photos via text, social media, email, or using digital platforms to harass, threaten, embarrass, or belittle someone

Signs a teen might be experiencing bullying

If you’re a parent or another caring adult in a teen’s life, it’s important to be able to spot the signs of bullying so that you can offer support. If your teen is demonstrating any of the following, have a conversation with them and seek outside help if needed.

• Cuts, scrapes, scratches, bruises, or any other unexplained physical injuries

• Broken or destroyed personal items

• Frequent sickness and attempts to stay home from school

• Sudden changes in eating habits

• Trouble falling or staying asleep

• Academic decline

• No longer seeming interested in social activities or hobbies

• A loss of self-esteem or confidence

• Running away from home, refusing to attend school, or other self-destructive behaviors

How does being bullied affect teenagers?

Research shows that bullying can lead to many damaging outcomes for children and teens. Teenagers who are bullied are more likely to experience:

• Mental health concerns like anxiety, depression, and eating disorders

• Increased stress

• Feelings of loneliness, rejection, and social isolation

• Anger problems and difficulty regulating emotions

• Difficulty making and keeping friends

• Physical health issues like stomach problems

• School avoidance

• Separation anxiety or difficulty leaving home

• Self-injury and/or suicidality*

*A note on safety: If a teen in your life is having thoughts of harming themselves, don’t hesitate to ask for help. You can contact the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 from any phone. Their counselors will provide confidential support and resources to help keep them safe.

How to support a teen who’s being bullied

If a teen in your life is being bullied, know that there are things you can do to help. The following tips can help you facilitate a supportive conversation so that your teen knows they’re not alone and that you’re there to help.

1. Learn why many teens don’t speak up. Bullying is often underreported because children and teens may fear that things could get worse if they “tattle” or “rat” on the bully. They also may not trust the adults in their lives to intervene effectively — especially if they’ve reported bullying in the past without a positive outcome. Emphasize that there’s a difference between telling on someone to get them in trouble and reporting bullying.

2. Understand the difference between bullying and normal peer conflict. While both behaviors can be problematic, you’ll likely need to respond to them differently. Having arguments or disagreements with peers is a natural part of socializing and growing up. Bullying, on the other hand, is a purposeful, repeated act that’s based on intentional harm.

3. Familiarize yourself with cyberbullying. In the past, school-based bullying could stop after a student went home for the day. But with technology, that’s not always the case. Talk to your teen about the safe use of technology and social media and remind them that bullying can happen anywhere, even if it’s not face to face.

4. Prepare for some initial resistance. If your teen is adamant that they don’t want you to talk to school administrators, law enforcement, or other parents, listen to their concerns. They’re likely scared about the situation getting worse or of being retaliated against. If possible, see if you can report the bullying anonymously or brainstorm solutions together that will allow you to address the problem while keeping the teen safe.

5. Seek outside help. Bullying can have a long-term impact on a teen’s mental and emotional well-being. So if your teen is struggling due to bullying, they may benefit from professional help. You can connect with their school counselor for support or take them to a therapist who specializes in working with teenagers.

Clinician’s take

Differentiating between normal peer conflict and bullying is an important factor when talking with your teen. There are common social conflicts — like disagreements, peer fall outs, and not being invited to an event — that can make a teen feel bad. This is different from another person intentionally seeking your teen out to harm them.

Ashley Ayala, LMFT

Clinical reviewer