Codependent friendships can leave you feeling responsible for another person’s emotions or needs.
Healthy friendships include mutual support, healthy boundaries, and room for both people to grow.
If a friendship is affecting your well-being, a mental health professional can help you build healthier relationship patterns.
A codependent relationship when one person consistently puts the other person’s needs, emotions, or well-being ahead of their own. Over time, this can lead to unhealthy boundaries, emotional exhaustion, and a loss of independence.
Friendships can become codependent. This quiz can help you reflect on your relationship patterns, recognize signs of codependency, and know what to do next. After taking this quiz, you may decide that healthier boundaries or professional support would be helpful.
Do you feel responsible for making your friend feel better when they’re upset?
The codependent friendship quiz
This quiz includes 10 yes-or-no questions about common signs of codependency in friendships. Answer each question based on your current friendship and your typical thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. There are no right or wrong answers, so try to answer as honestly as you can.
Keep in mind that this quiz is a screening tool, not a diagnosis. If your results suggest patterns of codependency or your friendship is affecting your mental health or daily life, consider talking with a mental health professional for additional support.
Do you feel responsible for making your friend feel better when they’re upset?
Yes
No
Do you put your friend’s needs ahead of your own, even when it hurts your well-being?
Yes
No
Do you feel guilty when you say “no” to your friend or set a boundary?
Yes
No
Do you worry that your friendship will end if you don’t always meet your friend’s needs?
Yes
No
Do you feel like you lose sight of your own needs or goals because you’re focused on your friend?
Yes
No
Do you feel like your friend’s approval affects how you feel about yourself?
Yes
No
Do you spend so much time focusing on your friend that you neglect other relationships or responsibilities?
Yes
No
Do you feel anxious when your friend spends time with other people or seems less available?
Yes
No
Do you often feel emotionally drained after spending time with your friend?
Yes
No
Do you feel like you have to keep your friend happy for the friendship to work?
Yes
No
What your quiz results mean
This quiz looks at common signs of codependency in friendships, including unhealthy boundaries, emotional dependence, and putting another person’s needs ahead of your own. Higher scores suggest more codependent patterns, but this quiz isn’t a diagnosis.
Count the number of “Yes” answers, then use the guide below.
0–3: Few signs of codependency. Your answers suggest your friendship has few signs of codependency. Healthy friendships allow both people to support each other while maintaining healthy boundaries.
4–6: Some signs of codependency. Your answers suggest your friendship may include some codependent patterns. If these patterns are affecting your well-being or making it hard to set healthy boundaries, talking with a mental health professional can help you better understand your relationship and build healthier habits.
7–10: Many signs of codependency. Your answers suggest your friendship has several signs of codependency. If you often feel responsible for your friend’s emotions or put their needs ahead of your own, a mental health professional can help you develop healthier boundaries, strengthen your sense of self, and build more balanced relationships.
More red flags of codependency in friendships
This quiz looks at common signs of codependency, but it doesn’t cover every relationship. Codependent friendships often develop over time. Both people can play a role in this dynamic. One friend may depend heavily on the other for support. The other may feel responsible for fixing problems or keeping the friendship together.
One-sided support: One person gives much more emotional support than they receive.
Poor boundaries: One or both friends have trouble saying “no” or asking for what they need.
Fear of upsetting each other: One or both people avoid conflict because they’re afraid of hurting the friendship.
Feeling responsible: One friend feels responsible for the other’s emotions, choices, or happiness.
Losing yourself: The friendship leaves little time or energy for your own goals, hobbies, or other relationships.
Depending on one person: One or both friends rely on the friendship to meet most of their emotional needs.
This quiz asks about many of these patterns. It looks at things like boundaries, emotional responsibility, and putting your friend’s needs ahead of your own. The more of these patterns you recognize, the more likely the friendship has become unhealthy.
What to do if you’re in a codependent friendship
This quiz is a good starting point, but it can’t tell you for certain whether your friendship is codependent. Instead, it helps you recognize patterns that may be affecting your well-being. A mental health professional can help you better understand your relationship and decide what changes, if any, may be helpful.
If your results suggest codependent patterns [2], consider these next steps:
Reflect on your friendship. Think about whether the relationship feels balanced and if your needs are being met.
Practice setting healthy boundaries. Start with small changes, like saying “no” or making time for your interests and other relationships.
Talk to your friend if it feels safe. An honest conversation may help you better understand each other’s needs and expectations.
Reach out for support. A trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional [3] can help you work through unhealthy relationship patterns.
Learn more about codependency. Understanding how codependent friendships develop can help you build healthier, more balanced relationships.
Every friendship is different. Some friendships become healthier after setting boundaries and improving communication. It can be challenging to interrupt the cycle of codependency. In some cases, the healthiest choice may be to end the friendship. If that happens, remember that it’s normal to grieve the loss of an important relationship.
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Caring about a friend doesn’t mean you’re responsible for keeping them happy or meeting every need. A healthy boundary lets you care about someone without taking responsibility for their feelings or choices.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
Find care with Rula
Healthy friendships should feel supportive, not leave one person carrying the weight of the relationship. If you’re noticing codependent patterns in your friendship, know that healthier boundaries and more balanced relationships are possible. Working with a therapist can help.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
References
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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