Emotional abuse isn’t always easy to recognize. It often happens through repeated patterns instead of one event.
Emotional abuse can have lasting effects. Healing is possible with the right support.
This quiz is a starting point. A mental health professional can help you better understand your experiences.
A note to the reader: If you feel unsafe in your relationship for any reason, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by dialing 800-799-7233 for confidential support.
Wondering if you’ve experienced emotional abuse? This emotional abuse test can help you better understand your experiences. Maybe someone often criticizes you, controls your choices, or makes you question yourself. Or maybe you’re looking back on a past relationship or your childhood and trying to make sense of what happened.
This quiz was built by a mental health professional and asks about common signs of emotional abuse. It isn’t a diagnosis. But it can help you recognize unhealthy patterns and decide whether it may be time to seek support.
Someone makes me feel like your thoughts or feelings don’t matter.
Test yourself for emotional abuse
This quiz asks about common signs of emotional abuse [1] in different types of relationships, including with a parent, sibling, romantic partner, or another important person in your life. Answer each question as honestly as you can. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers in this assessment.
Someone makes me feel like your thoughts or feelings don’t matter.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
Someone frequently criticizes, insults, or puts you down.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
You feel like you’re always walking on eggshells around someone.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
Someone blames you for things that aren’t your fault.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
Someone makes you question your memory or experiences.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
You feel guilty for setting boundaries or saying no.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
Someone tries to control your choices, relationships, or daily activities.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
You feel anxious or tense before spending time with a certain person.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
Someone uses shame, guilt, or fear to get you to do what they want.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
You hide parts of my life because you’re afraid of how someone will react.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
Someone ignores you, gives me the silent treatment, or withholds affection to punish you.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
You often apologize, even when you don't think you’ve done anything wrong.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
You no longer feel like yourself because of a relationship in your life.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
You doubt my own judgment or second-guess yourself after interacting with this person.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
This relationship has negatively affected your confidence, mental health, or daily life.
Never (0)
Rarely (1)
Sometimes (2)
Often (3)
Very Often (4)
The deeper meaning of your result
Your score can help you understand if your experiences show signs of emotional abuse. This quiz is a screening tool, not a diagnosis. A mental health professional can help you better understand your experiences and decide what support may be helpful.
Add up your score from all 15 questions, then find your total below to learn what your results may mean.
0–15: Few signs of emotional abuse. Your answers suggest you experience few signs of emotional abuse. Everyone experiences conflict or hurt feelings from time to time. If you generally feel respected, safe, and supported in your relationships, emotional abuse may be less likely. If something still doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts and consider talking with someone you trust.
16–30: Some signs of emotional abuse. Your answers suggest you may experience some unhealthy relationship patterns. This doesn’t necessarily mean emotional abuse occurred. However, it may be helpful to reflect on how these experiences affect your confidence, emotional well-being, and relationships. A mental health professional can help you make sense of what you’ve experienced.
31–45: Moderate signs of emotional abuse. Your score suggests you may experience several signs of emotional abuse. Over time, emotional abuse can affect your self-esteem, mental health, and ability to trust others. You don’t have to work through these experiences alone. Support from a trusted person or mental health professional can help.
46–60: Strong signs of emotional abuse. Your answers suggest you may experience many signs of emotional abuse. If these experiences continue to affect your mental health, relationships, or daily life, know that healing is possible. A mental health professional can help you process what happened, rebuild your confidence, and develop healthier relationship patterns.
Signs of past emotional abuse
Emotional abuse isn’t always obvious. Many people don’t realize what happened until years later. Instead of one event, emotional abuse is usually a pattern of behaviors that leaves someone feeling afraid, controlled, or like they're never good enough.
This quiz looks for several common signs of emotional abuse, including:
Frequent criticism or humiliation: Being regularly put down, mocked, or made to feel “less than” can slowly damage your self-esteem.
Controlling behavior: Emotional abuse often involves someone trying to control your choices, relationships, emotions, or daily life.
Gaslighting: Someone may deny your experiences, dismiss your feelings, or make you question your own memory or judgment.
Walking on eggshells: If you constantly worry about upsetting someone or changing your behavior to avoid conflict, it may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
The silent treatment: Repeatedly ignoring someone or withholding affection to punish or control them can be emotionally harmful.
Loss of confidence: Emotional abuse can make people second-guess themselves, apologize excessively, or lose trust in their own thoughts and feelings.
Lasting emotional effects: Emotional abuse from a parent, sibling, romantic partner, friend, or another important person can continue to affect your mental health and relationships long after the abuse ends.
Research shows that emotional abuse can have lasting effects on mental health. A large review of studies [2] found it was associated with a significantly higher risk of depression later in life, as well as anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), substance use disorders, eating disorders, and suicidal thoughts.* Recognizing these patterns is often the first step toward healing.
*A note on safety: The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline offers 24/7 confidential support through trained crisis counselors. If you or someone you care about is experiencing emotional distress, self-harm, or a suicidal crisis, please call or text 988. For life-threatening emergencies or immediate assistance, call 911.
Next steps for coping with emotional abuse
Whether your score was low, high, or somewhere in the middle, learning more about emotional abuse can help you better understand your experiences. Healing takes time, but you don't have to do it alone.
Here are a few steps that can help:
Learn more about emotional abuse. Understanding emotional abuse can help you recognize unhealthy patterns. It can also help you put words to experiences that once felt confusing.
Be kind to yourself. Many people blame themselves after emotional abuse. Others feel shame or wonder if they somehow caused it. Remind yourself that what happened wasn't your fault and doesn’t define your worth.
Notice your triggers. Pay attention to situations that bring up strong emotions. Knowing your triggers can help you respond in healthier ways.
Set healthy boundaries. Think about what helps you feel safe and respected. If the abusive person is still in your life, clear boundaries can protect your well-being. In some situations, limiting or ending contact may be the healthiest choice.
Lean on supportive people. Emotional abuse can leave you feeling alone. Spending time with trusted friends, family members, or support groups can help you feel connected again.
Take care of yourself. Small habits can make a big difference. Get enough sleep, move your body, eat regular meals, and make time for activities you enjoy.
Consider therapy. Therapy can help you process what happened and understand how it still affects you today. A therapist can also help you rebuild your confidence, set healthy boundaries, and develop coping skills for anxiety, depression, trauma, or other lasting effects of emotional abuse.
The care you need, when you need it
Learn how Rula can support your mental health journey
One subtle red flag is feeling like you have to constantly monitor what you say or do to avoid upsetting the other person. Healthy relationships can have conflict, but you shouldn’t feel like you’re always walking on eggshells or changing yourself just to keep the peace.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
Find care with Rula
Emotional abuse can have lasting effects, but healing is possible. Recognizing the signs is an important first step. If this quiz raised concerns, know that support is available. With the right help, you can rebuild your confidence and create healthier relationships.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
References
- The Rating of Emotional Abuse in Childhood (REACH) Questionnaire: A new self-report measure assessing history of childhood https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0145213423004866
- The association between five forms of child maltreatment and depressive and anxiety disorders: A systematic review and meta-analysis https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31374447/
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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