What’s emotional flooding?

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by your feelings and emotions that you couldn’t think straight? It might have felt difficult to communicate, make sense of your thoughts, or remain calm. 

This describes an experience known as emotional flooding ^[1], a term first coined by psychologist Dr. John Gottman. It’s usually triggered by conflict or highly stressful events, like fighting with your partner or managing your child’s behavioral problems. 

If emotional flooding is negatively impacting your relationships, sense of self, or quality of life, know that support is available. Therapy can help you feel more confident navigating challenging situations and emotions. 

Signs and symptoms of emotional flooding

Flooding can make it difficult to process your thoughts, feelings, and emotions during tense moments. You may struggle to have a conversation or control your reactions. 

Let’s say your boss makes a comment that they’d like to discuss your most recent project. This simple statement may trigger a wave of flooding symptoms, like nausea, panic, and shame. You might feel the urge to run away or defend yourself before you even hear them speak.

If you tend to experience this type of emotional response, it can be helpful to recognize the signs of flooding. It’s associated with a range of mental, physical, and cognitive symptoms, including: 

• Feelings of anxiety

• Rapid heart rate

• Shallow breathing

• Difficulty focusing 

• Racing thoughts

• Muscle tension 

It’s worth noting that emotional flooding is different from a panic attack. While they can feel similar, they involve different triggers and emotions. Panic attacks are sudden episodes of fear that often occur for no apparent reason. On the other hand, emotional flooding is usually linked to a specific conflict or event. 

Another difference is the type of emotion that’s involved. While panic attacks involve fear and anxiety, flooding can stem from other big emotions, like anger, sadness, and frustration.

Underlying causes of emotional flooding

Flooding is a physiological response to a threat or perceived threat. When faced with something like criticism or a painful memory, it triggers your body to release stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. The sympathetic nervous system goes into overdrive and makes it difficult to process the situation and make rational decisions.

Anyone can experience this emotional response, though it may be more common among certain people. For example, men may be more likely to experience flooding ^[1] than women. Other risk factors include identifying as a highly sensitive person (HSP), having an insecure attachment style, and experiencing childhood trauma. 

You may also be more likely to experience emotional flooding if you have certain mental health challenges and concerns, including:  

• Anxiety disorders

• Depression

• Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)

• Borderline personality disorder (BPD)

The aftermath of emotional flooding 

Most people start to feel calmer within about 20 minutes after emotional flooding ^[2], though it can take longer. As you recover, you may continue to experience some brain fog or physical symptoms. You may also experience some lingering emotions, like anger, shame, and fear.

Over time, flooding can begin to impact your quality of life. It can increase stress, reduce self-esteem, and lower your ability to communicate your needs. It can also impact your close connections. When you're unable to manage your emotions, you and the people close to you may experience more conflict, less trust, and decreased relationship satisfaction. 

Coping with emotional flooding in the moment

Emotional flooding is linked to nervous system dysregulation, so it’s important to know how to reset during tough moments. The first step is to take a moment to acknowledge the flooding and communicate what you’re going through to the people around you. 

From there, you can focus on strategies to calm your nervous system and regain a sense of calm and control. Here are some to try. 

Box breathing

Breathing exercises like box breathing are easy to do whenever you need to reset. To try box breathing, inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, wait for four seconds then inhale again.

Body-scan meditations

Body-scan meditations ^[3] are another effective way to self-regulate. Start by sitting comfortably then taking a few deep breaths. Start at your feet, then work your way to your head, slowly monitoring each part of your body and noticing sensations without judgment. 

Replace negative thoughts with self-compassion 

As you begin to reconnect with the present moment, be mindful of how you speak to yourself. While you may feel frustrated at your reaction, choose self-compassion instead. You might say something like, "I give myself permission to pause and reset," or, "I’m safe right now."

Treatment options for persistent emotional flooding

If you’re frequently and easily overwhelmed by your emotions, consider speaking with someone who can help, like a psychologist or other mental healthcare provider. Therapy offers a safe space to understand your triggers and recognize harmful thought and behavior patterns. It can also help you develop new tools for managing your emotions. 

Depending on your specific needs, your provider may suggest talk therapy approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT). In some cases, they may suggest medication to address an underlying mental health challenge.

Clinician’s take

Many people feel like they have to explain themselves right away, but that’s often hardest to do when they’re emotionally flooded. Taking time to calm your body first can make it much easier to have a productive conversation.

Brandy Chalmers, LPC

Clinical reviewer